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Dmoral13

United States

Guess who's back regularly!
I'm newborn and redefined. My writing has changed-for the better.

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perhaps we're all meant to be a little broken, little scared, cause it's the pain that makes us who we are

Her Dad's Last Phone Call

May 9, 2019

GROUP: Flash Fiction

"I miss you, Daddy, when are you coming home?"
"I'll be home soon Emily, please don't worry."
"I'm not worried!"
"Okay, my little M&M. How's Mom? Is there anything she isn't telling me?"
"She's worried, Daddy. I can tell."
"I know, Emily. It's just...complicated. Are you being good though? Helping her?"
"Yes! Today, I helped Mommy with the dishes! And, because I helped, we got ice cream!"
"You day sounds better than mine."
"But aren't you in that desert place? Af, Af-gan-stand?"
"It's Afghanistan silly, but yes. It's a desert, but not much fun. And before you ask-no tumbleweeds."
"Awwww, I wanted one! No fair!"
"Sorry, hey, Emily, I have to go. The other guys need a turn on the phone. I'll talk to you soon though, tell Mom I'll call her as soon as I can."
"Yes, Daddy."
"Goodbye."
"Bye!"
"One last thing, M&M. I love you."
"I love you too. Please hurry home, Mom looks really sad."
"
I promise."

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6 Comments
  • pencils.and.paper.roses

    Oh my goodness, holy cow. There are no words to describe how amazing this is! Like some of the others said, the use of childish dialogue really fits in well and enhance it a ton.

    Absolutely fantastic job.


    3 months ago
  • Mary Wall

    I can relate with AbigailSauble. One of my brothers served in South Korea. I absolutely loved this piece. I don't want to just repeat what everyone has already said, but the way you created the different age/influenced dialogue was amazing.:) Great job! <3


    3 months ago
  • RNE

    i love the way you wrote this! i'm going to go cry now.


    5 months ago
  • AbigailSauble

    This really hits me ... I have two brothers serving in the military ... oof ...
    Great writing! =) Love the dialogue!


    5 months ago
  • weirdo

    Why must you make me feel feelings?! This is so sad yet beautiful!


    5 months ago
  • Christy Wisdom

    Aww, sad story, but excellently told. I like the use of nicknames and younger dialogue showing the age of the child; those two really enhanced the story!


    5 months ago