Peer Review by lina13 (Australia)

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Elemental Emotions

By: Julius Caesar


Guilt is like a boulder,
Sitting heavily in the 
Pit of your stomach,
Refusing to move from
It's comfortable nest, 
Repeatedly antagonizing 
Your conscience,
For something you did 
Or didn't do. 

Shame is like a fire
Burning your chest,
Burning your face,
Burning your soul,
As you face your past,
Or your present, 
Or the future yet to come.

Fear is like a cold wind
Blowing down your exposed neck,
Revealing what it is you can't handle,
What it is that will bring you down,
What it is that you protect yourself from.

Disappointment is like a river
Coursing through your veins,
Pumping out Self Hate,
And Guilt,
And Shame,
And Fear, 
For it holds the elemental emotions together
And turns them into what is inevitable,
the Truth. 


Message to Readers

Idk what this is. I think the clarity is a little off? Peer review please! <3


Peer Review

This poem very effectively uses the five senses to describe a variety of different emotions - of course, the prompt only asked for one sentence, but this poem expands and addresses guilt, shame, fear and disappointment! The anaphora of the similes (is like a) at the beginning of each stanza were very successful in leading the reader into the next comparison between the emotion in question and each element.


Since this is already a poem rather than a sentence, I would say that it works well in this already-alternative genre!


Reviewer Comments

Excellent work writing a vivid poem that really tackles the idea of describing emotions from a sensory point of view. I particularly enjoyed the personification in "Blowing down your exposed neck". To make this piece even better, consider what image/idea you want your reader to finish with - what exactly do you mean by "the Truth?"