Magic tree  training  by mocny d8cmbz7

SnowBallad

United States

I love writing! Whether it's nonfiction, fiction, (well, okay, mostly fiction), screenplays, plays, music, poetry, I will write it. Please review my writing!

Message to Readers

Please just tell me what I can improve on—structure, wording, whatever!

Chasing the Sky

November 5, 2015

FREE WRITING

0
Flying. So high the sky
can’t keep up with me.
The blue fades to black
eventually,
but I know I’ve lost our little race
and thankfully the sky laughs
ever taking its win with grace
So many stars, they’re glittering
guide me on my way.
for the blackness
of night's inky cloak
is no match
for my light.
My fire,
it's fading
into eternal night
Even through the wispy darkness
I can chase the sky
‘til the dying
Oh the dying
sunrise

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1 Comment
  • purplpeanut

    You rhyme a lot and then sometimes you don't. It interferes with the flow a little, but it's fine, because of the word choice you use. It's colorful, you use metaphors. You end the poem with a repeat, which makes reader's stop and think, and understand just why you chose the words you did. It seems each word was deliberate. I would work on maybe the structure. If you start rhyming, then keep rhyming. Or develop a pattern. Couple lines of rhyme. Couple lines of not. Otherwise, overall, great job!


    about 2 years ago