Peer Review by bibliophile (United States of America)()

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Four Seasons, Again

By: she_writes


Red heat of August
That turns into ruby leaves
Falling rust embers

Trees drop their burdens
Cold air pierces my lungs, sharp
Snow graces my hair

The ground wakes, tired
All set to nurse new flowers
Sparrows chirp with joy

Petals fade to ash
Heat returns, riding on waves
And so it begins


Message to Readers

I decided to stray from the prompt a bit and do all four seasons to highlight the change between them. I would appreciate any help, poetry is not my forte.


Peer Review

I'll choose a detail from each haiku.
1. Falling rust embers: This detail really helped me picture the season in my mind.
2. Cold air pierces my lungs: I could feel that cold air piercing my lungs.
3. The ground wakes: I love your use of personification!
4. And so it begins: This detail kind of represented the never-ending cycle of the seasons.
The language you used did an excellent job of creating imagery throughout the piece, I like how you incorporated some of the five senses. You didn't, however incorporate the senses of smell or taste. Maybe you could add those in somewhere? That would even further help the reader feel like they are there.


Your piece made me feel like I was really their, experiencing each season by using words like: red heat, ruby leaves, rust embers, etc.
Once again, your use of the senses gave me that feeling like I was there, experiencing those seasons.


Reviewer Comments

You have great word choice in this piece, it was enjoyable to read. I like how you wrote a haiku for each season, it really highlights their differences and the transition between them. Good job, keep writing!