Peer Review by Vani Desabhotla (United States)

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alive

By: asteriskkk


FREE WRITING

what the hell is living? when 
you're alive, or when you're happy? 
why are dictionaries so cynical? sometimes
you run and you fall and your palms
scrape the gravel, which becomes a canvas
and the paint is your blood. sometimes you 
run and you run and you run, and you don't
stop until your legs go all
mechanic and they move on
their own, until you've run out of fuel and
everybody's looking as you hit the 
ground. sometimes you run, and then you stop
at the bridge. you 
let the wind   f
                                  a      l

                                                      l
over you, so that you don't fall. and
you live.
but sometimes you don't need yourself
to live. sometimes you just need to be with 
that one, or two or three or seven, people,
those who make you laugh
all the time, and it's not
because of what they do, it's because
they get you, and you get them, and you just need
to laugh because you don't want 
anything anymore, and you just need them,
because because. and you love them, or
at least you think so, because
how can you ever be sure? and you think,
this is what people live for.
you live.
 


Message to Readers

anything would help -- even a small tiny detail that may not seem important right now.


Peer Review

"What the hell is living?"...It's what attracted me to this piece.


I was a little confused to be honest. But I'll explain that later


What was your inspiration??


Reviewer Comments

So, I thought your beginning was great!!!!! But after the "fall"...I began to get a little confused. I think it can be fixed really easily though, just with some punctuation and correcting some word choice. For example, if you kept "all the time" with "laugh", instead of creating a new line... or you gave each part of the "you just need them, because, because..." I feel like each part should have its own line, like:
"You just need them
Because,
Because.
You love them
or
At least you think so"

Something like that, because you have extremely powerful writing, I just think that it needs enough space to be heard!! I really liked your piece!!! :)