Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I liked this piece because it is a great idea for the Friendship Narrative and has a lot of potential.
Being captured is pretty intense, and a secret ally is pretty complex. I feel that if this piece were re-written using more descriptive adjectives it would really POP in the reader's mind.
This friendship is very interesting and certainly surprising. If a little bit more backstory was put in the reader would feel more attached to this piece.
Great idea for friendship narrative competition! I know I put a lot of comments in and it looks overwhelming, but don't worry- it should not be too hard to edit. I think this piece has a really good plot line that I think could really stand out if these three main things were improved:
1. Character Dialogue
2. Historical Accuracy
3. Overall Grammar
If these three points were done, this piece would be a great read.
I think that you should try to get as many of the suggested edits done as possible before the deadline, but if you don't have the time to take a quick peak at each of my comments then I would at least suggest making the following quick fixes:
Perhaps change the grandson's name to something a little more Jewish, or at least not something so grandson-y as Jimmy.
Try to improve historical accuracy for better reader engagement.
Try to improve dialogue to be more realistic and not so sticky feeling.
For a little extra pop in your piece, consider adding some German into the dialogue!!!
Good luck in the competition! I know the edits look like a lot of work, but don't worry! It won't take long and the end result will be awesome! Keep going!