Aries Music Lover

United States of America

Hello I am 16 and I love writing. My friends like it as well. I'm an Aries and my best friend is a Capricorn. I want to go into the Forensic field when out of school. I like performing in anything that I can, be it dancing,singing,acting.

Dear Player...

January 18, 2019

FREE WRITING

4
Dear Player,
I wrote a song about you last year. You hated me, or at least acted like it. I kept my guard up around you. You tried to break me but you only made me stronger. Fast forward a few months. I texted you for the first time thinking you'd ghost me. I chose to hope. You responded and started flirting. I threw my defenses up. I told you I was broken, that I didn't want any more cracks. You said you wanted to 'grab the glue and put me back together', I believed you.

I let you in, my wall started to crumble. You flirt, you capture the hearts of the wounded, then you break them beyond repair. To you love is just a game, how would you feel if you were broken? You abused me, and I still let you in. I told you in the beginning, I wanted you to be honest. I'm not mad, I'm hurt. I don't want to hurt you the way you hurt me, I just want to understand. We weren't together, but you still caused me so much pain. This is the first time I've ever felt like this. I don't know how to act. I have to put on a brave face for my dad, because he'd break you if he knew you broke me.

You hit me, you cracked me, and yet you run when I wanna cry. Please tell me why you think that I deserve this treatment? Can I please just curl up and cry? No, I can't you know why? Because I have to be the strong one for my friends, I lift them up when they are down. I don't have the time to wallow in self pity, or hatred. I need to be strong, and I will be strong. I want to break something, cry, and scream. I refuse to look weak. You don't know this side of me even though you came very close last year. You don't want to see me broken, or pissed. 

You think you've seen my fury? You haven't seen anything. I may be new to feeling like this, but I've had practice using my emotions. I know how to make myself the definition of darkness, nightmare, take you pick of any descriptive word. I will not allow you to break me more. You know my mother does a good enough job of that. I just want to know why you think that it was okay to do this. I want to know why you tried to play me. You knew I was friends with her, yet you played us. I think she thinks that I misread the situation, but I won't tell her what you said to me. Even if you deserve it.

I won't do that to you. I will leave that up to you. If your not a coward and are a real man, you'll own up to it. I think that you won't own up to it. But, I won't tell her how you said you 'had to take care of something and then we could date' or how you kept saying you wanted to be together. You may be able to delete the texts, but you can't delete my memories. I think you didn't like me, I think you thought I was easy. I think you knew exactly what you were doing. I just want you to know, this is me saying goodbye. If your going to treat me like this, then I don't want you to even be my friend. I will be civil with you but I will not, become a toy for you to use. 

I don't want you talking to me. I will shake this feeling, it may not be today, or tomorrow but one day I will. And I do not want you coming up to me and trying to get with me, because I am a better person than to let you do that. Goodbye Mr.Player, hope you don't find some other girl to play. 

Sincerly, Victoria Watkins

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  • January 18, 2019 - 8:50am (Now Viewing)

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