Peer Review by Ash (United States)

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A Dream come True in Reality.

By: Vanessa Heyboer

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Once apon a time, there was a girl who loves to serve at the chuch. One day the church was having a service day, where they would put wood chips in the prayer path and clean up the outside of the church. She showed up and she ended up being the only gril to show. She knew some of the guys serving but she didn't know her friends brother.  They intorduced eachother and became instant friends. All three of them worked together in the path putting wood chips down. Something was special about this friendship, she wasn't sure what it was but she knew it was different then others. When all the work was done they went inside and hung out and friended eachother on facebook. He ended up messaging her right away just to be funny. After that day something changed in her heart but she wasn't sure what. They ended up seeing eachother later that summer when the church went to Six Flags Great America. They were in the same group, so they had a lot of fun riding crazy roller costers togther. They went on the world biggest, tallest, fastest, and steepest wooden rollar coaster the Goliath and it was pretty crazy. They did a lot of other crazy rides but while they were there something felt different. The feeling of pure Joy and happyness. The butterflies in her stomach that have never been there before came and were flying all over. She started to get a crush on this guy. When school was starting that would mean youth group would start back up as well and they would see each other every night at youth group. They also work at  a youth group for 5th and 6th graders and they both love it very much. Through these events every week they began to become cloer friends and learned a lot about each other. Her chrush grew, she liked him even more and even more every day. Through the retreats they woud have with the church they would learn about eachother and have fun haging out, they were really good friends and everyone saw how there friendship was  close and was getting closer. They started sitting next to each other at youth group and they would be by each other way more they what they used to be.. She was starting to wonder if he liked her too. She hoped he did with all her heart. She asked her best freind at the church to ask him when she wasn't around if he did like her, but she was affaid that she wouldn't do it, it was a lot to ask from her. But her best friend did it that week when she had a concert. The results were positive, he said he did. She was very happy to hear the knews. On December 14th was the youth group christmas party and it was a longer event that lasted most of the day. Twards night when it was free time in the gym she went up to him and asked if she could talk to him in the hall, he went out in the hall with her. No one was around and thats were she told him that she liked him and then he told her that he liked her. That night was one the best nights for her. Shes never had that big of a crush on someone and have them like her back. She was the happiest person in the world. After that day there friendship was at a higher level. Now to months after that day, they are close, they have even started holding hands and nothing can go worng. Everyone in the youth group pretty much knows about them and they are known as the cutest cupple and they both like each other a lot.


Peer Review

It's about girl falling in love with one of the boys and they're both very religious.

Choosing to write this story from the girl's perspective I think really helps strengthen the piece.

You were actually very specific so I don't think you need to worry about confusing the reader.

Reviewer Comments

I really liked your story. It's interesting to see a piece where the main characters are so invested in their faith since it's a topic most people try to veer away from. Yes, there were some spelling and grammar errors, but you have a solid plot. Just a little revision and you'll have a truly awesome story on your hands!