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Faster Than eHarmony

February 15, 2016

“After the whole puppy and noodle incident, we ended up watching horror game playthroughs on YouTube, and, you know, I think I'm actually in love. So, yeah, help a sister out?”

Finn Darmali stared long and hard at one of his best friends since 9th grade, thinking longer and harder about the almost certain consequence of late night ruckus if he were to set her up with the girl across the way. “Umm, Daisy, isn't she straight?”

“No… I don't know, maybe, but she's not, like, full straight, definitely bisexual at most,” she replied. “The point is I need you to, you know, scope her out for me, be my wingman!” 

“Why do I have to do it? Why can't Luc do it?” Finn complained, referring to their third musketeer, who was late for breakfast, again. 

“Because,” Daisy said, about to reason with him, when a tall boy, all clad in red and white, dropped dramatically into the seat next to her. “Oh, speaking of our resident casanova.” 

“Dude, what's with the candy cane colors?” Finn asked, sliding over a plate of tater tots and turkey bacon that he had saved. 

Lucas sighed heavily, picking up a piece of bacon and tearing at it like a Slim Jim stick, dusting crumbs off his red skinny jeans. “I forgot I have a presentation today, I have yet to wash my other suits, and this is the closest thing to business casual I have left.”

“Your professor’s ok with a patterned jacket that shade of red? Plus, your jeans are too bright, they clash!” Daisy whined, giving Luc a once-over and shaking her head. 

“Relax, Stacy London, he's chill! Anyway, Finn, I got a favor to ask you. You know that kid I've been crushing on in our philosophy class, Chase?”

“Rekiv?” Finn nodded, recalling the quiet boy’s existence. He sat right behind Daisy and Finn remembered the lovey-dovey glances he would occasionally shoot at Luc, which his friend returned in kind. Oh no, he knew where this was going.

“You guys talk… I happen to be in serious need of a date and, I'll be honest,  I really want to get laid. So could you, I don't know, steer him towards my direction?” 

“What, no! I just asked Finn to do that for me, your horny ass can wait!” Daisy cried, taking Finn’s hands in her own. “In fact, I was just telling him why he has to do it. Because you,” she turned towards Luc and poked him in the chest. “Are a total man-whore and I can't trust you not to try to seduce my new chance at love just to spite me!” 

“Hey, I resent that!” Luc paused, giving her statement some thought before actually conceding. “Yeah, ok, that's understandable. In my defense, it’s not my fault, you come out as gay, and suddenly chicks like you even more. You know what, Daisy, come on, don't try to pretend you wouldn't do the same to my guy! See, Finn, you're our only choice.” 

“Ugh, you guys, why can't you just talk to your crushes yourselves?” 

His friends stared at him as if he had just confessed to the existence of time travel, the accidental murder of a relative, somehow causing the present to devolve into a nuclear wasteland. 

Finn sighed, resigned to his fate. “You know, I'm asexual, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to people. How do you know I won't pull the rug from under you and walk away with two new romantic lovers?” 

Luc and Daisy exchanged amused glances, put a hand on each of Finn’s shoulders and gave him matching disbelieving looks. 

“All right, fine.”


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  • February 15, 2016 - 6:39pm (Now Viewing)

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