Peer Review by PureHeart (United Kingdom)

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maybe we're a little more than just friends

By: loveletterstosappho


FREE WRITING

'cause there's a tinge of sincerity
in the way your fingertips trace my throat
and the sound of my voice when i call you babe
so maybe we're a little more than just friends
a natural disaster biding its time--
a little more than just friends
but a lot less than anything else.


Peer Review

The structure in general is just perfection. Its length gives the reader enough insight to knoe whats going on, but also leaves them on a vague and powerful cliffhanger at the end. This piece is so poetic, but its also like writing down observations. 'Maybe we're a little more than just friends' makes it seem like a casual, brief wandering, yet this poem is formal obviously well thought out!


Perhaps add in some more of the senses. You've mentioned touch when you said 'your fingertips trace my throat,' which was very powerful and almost mysterious! You've also mentioned sound, when you said 'the sound of my voice when I cal you babe.' Because these quotes were so good, and the fact you incorperated these senses in your writing, I would just love to see what else you could do with this, adding maybe one or two more of the senses, or perhaps zooming in on the senses you've already mentioned.


Reviewer Comments

Its always a pleasure to read your writing, and I can't wait to see more of your pieces! You've got a real, natural talent! Keep up the fantastic work!