loveletterstosappho

United States

writer of stories, lover of girls

carbon monoxide

January 19, 2019

FREE WRITING

45
for you,
i would have lit the world ablaze
but the oceans were too vast
and my matches too weak.

i lit myself ablaze instead. 

i nailed boards to every window within me,
closed off all the grates,
slammed shut every door, 
and turned on the flame of each stove. 

i opened the valves of every gas flame,
blasted my heating as high as it could go and then some,
started my car engine only to let it run in my gut. 

i doused myself in gasoline,
stacked charcoal among self-hatred,
struck a match along your spine,
and set alight a bonfire in my heart. 

from the fire seeped your presence,
silent killer whom i adored. 
carbon monoxide.
colorless, odorless, tasteless,
and yet so beloved to me
that i willingly lit myself ablaze
just to feel your warmth curling around me. 

to feel your poison in my veins,
binding tight to the hemoglobin of my blood,
stealing away my oxygen. 

every alarm went off,
blaring warnings and red flags. 
'smoke! smoke! smoke!' cried my fire alarms. 
'carbon monoxide! carbon monoxide! carbon monoxide!' cried my CO alarms. 
but they were loud and i didn't want to listen, so
i took out the batteries. 
i didn't care. 

i lit myself ablaze instead. 

the symptoms didn't hide. 
i didn't care. 

loss of vision. 

i lit myself ablaze instead. 

memory problems. 

i didn't care. 

loss of balance. 

i didn't care. 
i didn't care. 
i didn't care. 

confusion. 

i didn't care i didn't care i didn't care i didn't care i didn't care

coordination difficulties. 

i didn't care
i didn't care
i didn't care i didn't care i didn't care
i didn't care i didn'tcareididn'tcareididn'tcareididn'tcareididn'tcareididn'tcareididn't-

loss of consciousness. 



i didn't care. 


i lit myself ablaze instead. 
please don't do anything i listed, whether you take it literally or figuratively. figuratively, it's not at all emotionally healthy. literally, it WILL ACTUALLY CAUSE CARBON MONOXIDE POISONING. WHICH IS REALLY BAD. AVOID IT. PRACTICE FIRE SAFETY. AND ALSO EMOTIONAL SAFETY. JUST PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 

sorta maybe for PureHeart's #fire contest? i'm a day late and i didn't start off writing this FOR that contest it just happened to involve fire because that's what causes carbon monoxide to build up or be released and i wanted to write about CO

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28 Comments
  • buddingauthor

    Wow! This is so touching and beautifully written!Amazing job!
    Also, I liked how you are concerned about your readers and have a warning.


    about 1 year ago
  • alicev

    So I’m a little late to this, but your writing is absolutely gorgeous and resonant and really just beautiful, oh my goodness!


    about 1 year ago
  • r|A|i|N

    can i copy and paste every comment so far and put it in this one? i love this piece––so creative. your writing is beautiful!!


    over 1 year ago
  • Dmoral

    I freaking love this, great work


    over 1 year ago
  • nessauniverse

    Dude this is pure artistry - it deserves all the likes and more <3


    over 1 year ago
  • Lissie

    This is absolutely stunning


    over 1 year ago
  • paperbird

    part two is out!
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/105824/version/201877


    over 1 year ago
  • paperbird

    i’ve published part one of my novella—
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/105626/version/200809
    by the way, tell me if these notifications get annoying. thank you for expressing interest!


    over 1 year ago
  • luluwrites111

    I really liked this piece because the juxtaposition of science and emotion, two things which are usually perceived as separate, you wrote beautifully together


    almost 2 years ago
  • mvisvi

    Your work is so beautiful and intricate and it deserves so much love. Am I obsessed? Perhaps, but we'll wait and see what your future pieces bring. For now, may I just say that I love the self-destructive vibe in this and it sort of represents pent up feelings in my opinion. Beautiful message and amazing words.


    almost 2 years ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    thank you all so much my heart can't take all these compliments lmao <3
    also @Johanna PLEASE SPAM MY NOTIFICATIONS AS MUCH AS YOU WANT YOU'RE AMAZING
    YOU'RE ALL AMAZING SL: IGJI:OWEJ KSDL F<3


    almost 2 years ago
  • TheOriginalEliza™

    I'm so sorry, but I'm actually obsessed with your work. Because like, wow.


    almost 2 years ago
  • Johanna

    I'm sorry I'm back again and resisting the urge to unlike then like this again. I don't want to spam your notifications. ;^;


    almost 2 years ago
  • nezi_nes

    This is beautifully gripping. I love how you start off by this sort of wistfulness that develops and mutates into destructiveness, with every line amping up the intensity, and finally cutting it off with a sudden jolt, and repetition. I am blown away. Like ashes. From the fire. Okay not the best thing to say but I LIKE IT THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYIN


    almost 2 years ago
  • Ruthh

    This gave me chills it’s so beautiful!!


    almost 2 years ago
  • Johanna

    Oh my god this was beautiful and breathtaking and the way you wrote it is asdlf;kjeslkjsfkleajdkfle;sakdfj I can't.


    almost 2 years ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE FEEDBACK I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS SO MUCH <3


    almost 2 years ago
  • paperbird

    sorry about that. a translation:
    "oh my god, this is beautiful and masterful and i can't--hang on, i have to read this again."
    this poem is BEAUTIFUL.
    and also please tell me that this is figurative.
    ...
    (read footnotes) thank god


    almost 2 years ago
  • paperbird

    OHMYGODTHISISBEAUTIFULANDMASTERFULNDICAN'THANGONIHAVETOREADTHISAGAIN


    almost 2 years ago
  • PureHeart

    Contest results are here!


    almost 2 years ago
  • N.

    I don't know how I found this but it made my day (er, night I guess). The structure mixed with the message made something extremely heartbreaking and beautiful..."struck a match along your spine"...damn. And I keep seeing your username on the dashboard and I appreciate it in its cleverness. ;)


    almost 2 years ago
  • Doktor Habit

    MAN I AM W E A K ??? THIS IS REALLY DAMN GOOD SMH


    almost 2 years ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    ahh thank you so much! <3


    almost 2 years ago
  • JadeAndSerpentine

    I LOVE the metaphor and stunning imagery. You've blown me away again. Wow.

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    *still speechless*


    almost 2 years ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    @green.eyes.gurl thank you! how are you doing now? lighting yourself ablaze is never good and i hope you are better now than you were when it happened.

    @Anha THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR WRITING TOO <3

    @acrosstheskysky ahh thank you thank you thank you!


    almost 2 years ago
  • acrosstheskysky

    oh my goodness this is such a beautiful poem ! ! ! so intense and breathtaking?? wowow i'm going to write a review when i have time to express my full adoration for this work


    almost 2 years ago
  • Anha

    oof this piece is amazing! while the first stanza captured my attention with beautiful longing imagery, the come down from the high, the adrenaline of burning was expertly written. i love the phrase "stacked charcoal among self-hatred", a combination of corporeal and the manifestations of the mind poetically sewn together as if building a wall. or a bonfire i suppose. seriously tho, i LOOOOOVED the first stanza. "for you,/ i would have lit the world ablaze/ but the oceans were too vast/ and my matches too weak." THIS HAS ME WEAK. i love this romantic imagery with all my heart, and i love your writing, never stop <3


    almost 2 years ago
  • Dummie

    I love this a lot, actually! And as for the figuratively doing this, hunny I've already been down that road before, and I still have scars to prove it. (the setting myself ablaze was figurative, the scars left from that pain are literal)


    almost 2 years ago