The Campbell Kid

United States of America

Chicken soup is a soup made from chicken, simmered in water, usually with various other ingredients. The classic chicken soup consists of a clear chicken broth, often with pieces of chicken or vegetables; common additions are pasta, and noodles.

Message from Writer

Welcome... Here you will be exposed to all the innermost thoughts of a can of soup. Take the leap and dive into the chicken and noodle to discover a world of creepy tales and biting nails. Plunge into the twisted yet hilarious mind of your favorite campbells man. Sit back, relax, and sink into these deep thoughts in noodle soup. You have been warned!

The Sin Is In The Stew - An Original One Act Play

January 11, 2019

FREE WRITING

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Tagline: A group of very characteristic veggies live their lives in a bowl of stew.   
 



The Sin Is In The Stew


Noah Mote  




















Character List
Radish: She is always jealous of the other vegetables
Eggplant: In love with every single veggie she meets
Carrot: Thinks he is the best veggie and no one can beat him at anything
Potato: Always hungry (Cannibalistic) and is always eating anything he can get his hands on
Tomato: He has severe anger issues and always bursts out into fits of undying rage
Celery: She is always stealing from the other veggies and is always hogging all of the spices in the stew
Mushroom: He is very slow and loves to procrastinate. He takes his sweet time making his rotation around the pot
Narrator: Played by carrot. He is the story driver. Costume is the same as carrot except without the green hat




Synopsis: The veggies know their fate is death. Trying to grant their own final wishes seems like an easy task, but, when ones wishes are conflicting with others, it’s nearly impossible. It seems as if no one will get what they want... And they don’t! They are all eaten inevitably in the end with no wishes granted at all. Get ready to taste... The Sin Is In The Stew!




























SCENE 1 (Lights open up on Narrator who is at a table with a napkin neatly folded and placed like a bandana around his neck. He has a fork in one hand and a spoon in the other. Takes a sip of stew from the bowl in front of him. Screams are heard from each character off stage. He steps away from the table pulls off his napkin bandana.
NARRATOR
Hello fellow vegetable cuisine enthusiasts. Today I will regale to you the frightening tale of a group of very potent produce and their spicy personalities. The following may shock you, it might scare you half to death. But, a little lightning storm never killed anybody. A small amount of death well... you get the point. These veggies are to be eaten in a matter of 2 days. Each one’s individual goals butt heads with the others. Their bucket lists may never be crossed off, only slowly added to until nothing is predictable and everything is fair game. Even... cannibalism. I’ll say no more. You’ll just have to take a leap into the boiling chicken broth. So... Are you ready to taste.... The sin is in the stew.
(Lights down. The table is moved away and carrot puts on his green hat. Lights open on Eggplant, carrot, and Potato. They are each sitting or standing strewn across the room. Potato Stands up and groans rubbing his tummy.)
POTATO
I’m hungry!!! HUNGRY!!!! Ughh!
(Potato Floats over to carrot and starts to try and nibble him. Carrot slaps him, he says ow, and floats away )
CARROT
Get off me you starchy, tuberous crop! My luscious skin is no simple meal for sad excuses of french fries like you!
EGGPLANT
Mmmm! Your luscious skin... I would just love one... little... lick!
(Eggplant inches toward carrot rubbing up against him.)
CARROT
Get off of me!!!
(Carrot pushes her away with a powerful shove. She falls to the ground)
EGGPLANT
Well you can’t blame a nightshade for trying! (Blows hair out of eyes and stands up. Mushroom enters slowly and stands directly in front of Eggplant. Eggplant obviously annoyed... In a valley girl accent) Mushroom!!! Will you please get out of my way!!!!!????  

MUSHROOM
(very slowly) Sorry ma’am... i’m just taking my sweet time. You can go around me if you... (Eggplant pushes past him and sits down)
(Celery interrupts him... Running on stage going around each vegetable grabbing the air around them.)
CELERY
Mine! All mine!!! All your spices will be mine!!!!!!!!
(Tomato enters from the opposite side of the stage than celery. She reaches tomato who stops her in her tracks grabbing her by the shoulders.)
TOMATO
(Calm) Don't take my spices... If you take my spices i’ll get (Begins to yell and shake celery) mad!!! Get away from me you good for nothing, horrible, hideous, parsley cousin, evillllll!!!!!!!!! (Celery runs off stage tomato chasing her this prompts the arrival of radish)



EGGPLANT
Well I guess it’s just you and me carrot. (Baby voice) All alone in the spacious pot of stew. And I’m feeling a bit... Spicy!!!
CARROT
Ahhhhhhhhhh! (Runs of stage screaming Eggplant runs after him)
EGGPLANT
Love me!!!!!!!!!! (Runs off stage)  
RADISH
I wanna be chased too! Somebody chase me! Chase mee (bratty)!!! (No one comes to chase her so she waits for a second then pretends like somebody's chasing her laughing and saying as she runs off stage.) Youĺl never catch me guys! you'll never catch me!!!!!!!!
END SCENE
***
SCENE 2 (Everyone enters. Carrot on one side of the stage with mushroom, and radish. Tomato, celery, and Eggplant enter from the other. Everyone is yelling at each other. Eggplant stomps over to carrot and mushroom yells slowly at Eggplant. radish is near center yelling at everyone
Tomato and celery are yelling at each other back and forth. Radish screams ¨will you all just shut up?” quieting everyone. Radish tries to stand on something to speak but carrot stops her pushing her off after a short confrontation and he begins once stood up on the object begins to speak. )
CARROT
Everyone, everyone! Calm down. Let the beautifulest best vegetable speak. Why do we continue to argue? In a very short time we are to be eaten!!! (Everyone gasps) I know, I know... cry cry sob sob...  Do you really want to spend your final moments arguing with each other? Why not spend these last days... Watching me show off my skills!!!!!!!!!
(Everyone is hysterical after learning their fate. Some crying, some screaming, some pacing the floor. All The while carrot is on his podium showing off his muscles and doing little tricks like pretending to remove his thumb and dancing. Suddenly everyone moves in a circle on the stage to the left then to the right. They are being stirred. All petrified scream and run off stage.)
MUSHROOM
(Slowly yelling) ahhhhhh... (slow mo runs off stage)  
EGGPLANT
(Offstage) Were being stirred!!!!!
End Scene
***
SCENE 3 (Eggplant is crying into her hands overdramatically and very fake. Carrot enters to comfort her hesitantly. He still hates Eggplant but he must be a gentlemen. He pats her back awkwardly.)
CARROT
There (gags) there....
(Eggplant turns toward him obviously she hasn't been actually crying and tries to kiss him he jumps away And tries to run.)
EGGPLANT
No! I’m sorry... i’m sorry... please stay! It’s just that.... I want you! I've wanted you for so long... and now we're going to be eaten... and... and (Sobbing voice) You've never loved me!!!  





CARROT
At least I don’t hate you (This causes her to cheer up) Granted I do wish you would go away forever but at least I don’t wish you were dead! (This causes Eggplant to cry even harder) What does it matter anyway... were still gonna be eaten. Oh! I’m way too beautiful to be eaten!(Carrot begins sobbing and collapses next to Eggplant. Eggplant stops crying sees and opportunity and lunges at carrot pinning him to the ground. Carrot struggles but gets away.)
CARROT
Ugh!!! Even now! With our impending doom lingering over our heads you still chase me!? You really are only good when your cooked! (He storms off stage leaving Eggplant on the floor. She stands up)
EGGPLANT
I swear to the great gardeners above! I will make carrot want me! If it’s the last thing I do! Which... it probably will be... (She exits the same side as carrot) Carrot! Yoo hoo!
End Scene  
***
SCENE 4 (Tomato sits center stage seething in anger. Mushroom enters slowly walking over to tomato. Mushroom taps him on the shoulder.)
TOMATO
What do YOU want!!?? (yelling)
(Mushroom jumps back)
MUSHROOM
I was just wondering... could.. You... help... me...
TOMATO
Why should I help you!!! I Hate You!!! I Hate everything!!!!!! (Yelling)
MUSHROOM
Geez... I just... wanted some... help before... were all... eaten...




TOMATO
Leave me alone... you.... you!!! freak king of the fungal forest!!!(Calm)I’m trying to think of someone who could help(Angry)ME!!! (pushes mushroom away hard Mushroom runs off and hides still onstage and listens) (Calmly and sorrowful) I don’t want to be angry any more...   
MUSHROOM
(Mushroom slowly stands up from behind his box) I can help you!
TOMATO
You can!?!  
MUSHROOM
I can... help... you if... (Scared) you... help... me... (Blocking his face thinking tomato will hit him)
TOMATO
Okay pal whadda you need?
MUSHROOM
(Surprised) Well you see... for all my life i've been...   
TOMATO
(Interrupting) Super lazy??
MUSHROOM
Productivity challenged... For all my life i've been productivity challenged presenting problems in everyday life and in my peer group... No one likes me! So I thought “Mushroom? What do you want to do before inevitable death?” At first I thought “eh I’ll just sit here” then I said “No” for once in my life I want to be prolific .. From my head tomatoes! (This unintentionally angers tomato who loses his temper)





TOMATO
How dare you!!! I am insulted! Outraged!!! Outright MAD!!! (Starts chasing mushroom) How dare you use my kind as some... some... PUN!!! GET OUT!!! (Chases mushroom offstage there’s a singular beat where nothing is happening then from off stage tomato says) Mushroom you got a deal!
End Scene
***
SCENE 5 (Radish is near center stage and pops one of her eyes wide open) She mumbles something about how she cant sleep. It’s night and celery creeps around stage. All the vegetables are sleeping (Sleeping means they are just on different parts of the stage sprawled out and are still with their eyes closed) Each veggie has something colored like confetti on them imitating spices. Celery comes slowly and takes each piece of “Spice” Off the veggies. Radish is watching her)
CELERY
Tee hee hee! The spices will be mine! I will have all the spice before we die! (Hint of sadness in this next sentence) Before we die... (Happy again) Oh well! Traw law law la law! Hooray!
(She skips another circle around the stage grabbing a little spice off each veggie she reaches radish who squeezes her open eyes shut pretending to sleep. Celery doesn’t notice)
CELERY
Eragano, parsley, rosemary, thyme, PapRika! Tra La La (Opera) Laaaaaaaa
(skips away off stage)



RADISH
Ooooooooooooh! Celery’s stealing our spices! (whines) I want in! I also want to skip! Traw la la law bleh! (She picks up some spices and follows celey offstage. (Lights down but scenes not over veggies leave stage stage is moved a little suggesting a different area. Celery enters skipping)  
CELERY
There gonna be so surprised to see all their spices... gone! (Laughs evilly pulls some confetti out of her pocket and throws it in the air. dancing) There mine! Bwa Ha Haw. (Pulls out bag of spices and dumps it on floor) Hooray! Yay! These are all the spices I got? I’m going back for more! (Skips away)   
RADISH
(Enters) Ooh looks like fun! Why should she have all the fun?! (Copying celery) Blah blah veggies gonna be surprised. There mine blah bla. (Throws spices into the air and gives a lackluster shimmy) I’m going back for more... Blah! (Takes most of the spices from floor and puts it in bag skips away)
END SCENE
***
SCENE 6 (Carrot sleeps in center stage. It’s still night but he is all alone this time. Potato Creeps in sniffing through the air. He reaches carrot and he lick his lips rubbing his tummy and widening his eyes. He kneels down and sniffs carrot, pulls out salt and pepper and a fork. Goes in for a bite carrot mumbles in his sleep which makes Potato Jump away )
CARROT
Oh carrot yes carrot you’re beautiful you're beautiful too I love you carrot me too carrot. (Kissing face)  
(Carrot quiets down and begins to snore. Potato Creeps over again begins to take a bite)
CARROT
Mom?
POTATO
(Playing along) Yes Dear?
CARROT
Oh mom I don’t wanna be a carrot cake (This makes potatoes mouth water) i’m sorry it won’t happen again
POTATO
It’s okay sweetie. Don’t eat... I mean BEAT yourself up about it
CARROT
Okay I won’t... won’t... (Waking up)Wait? My mom is a plot of soil... Who... who are you?!!! (Takes off sleeping mask) Potato!!!! (Walking angrily towards Potato Potato backs away)   
POTATO
Hi.... (Trying to think of something) Son??
CARROT
Potato! You better run you... you... rotten little tater!!!
POTATO
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs offstage)
CARROT
Get away and stay away! I am too good for you! You are nothing! I am pure beauty!!!!  
POTATO
I’m still hungry!!!!!!!!!
END SCENE
***
SCENE 7 (Tomato holds a book titled the achievement manifesto (a guide for procrastinators and Idiots) He is yelling somethings about filing systems and daily schedules at mushroom who is jogging in circles)
MUSHROOM
(Mushroom stops jogging wipes off forehead sweating) I just can’t do it! I’m not getting any more productive! Can’t we do this tomorrow? Or next week? Oh whhhhy! Why must it be me!
(Tomato walks over to mushroom seething he reaches out his hands as if to strangle mushroom. He considers what might happen if he does in fact kill mushroom. He shakes it off and instead shakes mushroom around a little bit by the shoulders)
TOMATO
HEY! Mushroom!!! Buddy boy!!! We have a deal! I really, REALLY, REALLY, need both of us to follow through on this! And you know what!? I really wanna HELP you. Your my compadre! MY PAL!!! (Angry) And you WILL help me YOU HEAR!
(Mushroom sees potato who begin to sneak behind tomato licking his lips mushroom tries to warn tomato)
MUSHROOM
But...
(Tomato won’t have it)
TOMATO
Nahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
MUSHROOM
But look...
(Potato gets closer)
TOMATO
Nope!
MUSHROOM
But tomato he’s...

TOMATO
I DON’T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN!!! BACK TO WORK!!!!!
MUSHROOM
Yes Sir! But... (Tomato looks angry mushroom decides to stop talking) okie dokie artichokie! (Realizes this could somehow remotely offend tomato) I mean... back to work! (Awkwardly) He he...
TOMATO
Good! (Chanting) 1... 2... 3... 4.... I don’t know what I’ve been told! Being slow is getting old!
(Potato is right next to tomato and he bites his shoulder)
TOMATO
OWWW!!! GET OUT OF HERE POTATO! (He chases off potato)
MUSHROOM
(Jogs after him) Nobody listens to me! It’s cause I’m a spore... Isn’t it... (Jogs off stage) Tomato! Wait up!
END SCENE
***
SCENE 8 (The veggies sit in groups eggplant potato and carrot in one group. carrot is ignoring eggplant who is talking to him and he is talk yelling at potato who is looking sorry for himself)  
CARROT
Potato... (Trying to stay calm) don’t you ever even think about coming near me again you hear! I am waaaaaaay to perfect for the likes of you! My beautiful ridges and wondrous green hair is too amazing!
(Carrot pulls out his mirror again he has to see just how “Amazing” he looks)


EGGPLANT
Carrot! Yoohoo carrot! Look at me! The leaves are coming off! (Starts taking off her green hat)  Carrot look! (Angry growly voice) LOOK! (Shoves it back on her head and pouts after carrot doesn’t look)
POTATO
I’m sorry carrot! It’s just that I’m just so hungry and with you being the best vegetable and all I just...
CARROT
(Cutting him off) You think i’m the best?  
POTATO
(Realizing this is his chance to take advantage of carrot) Yes!! Yes... you really are the most (Making sure to  emphasize these words) beautiful, most amazing vegetable in this whole stew!
CARROT
I’m glad somebody’s finally noticed!
EGGPLANT

I've noticed carrot! I've noticed! You are just so.... Sooooo... voluptuous!
CARROT
You really think so? You guys really think i’m the best?!
EGGPLANT
OF course!
POTATO
Pashaw! You think those other veggies even measure remotely close to you! Your carrot for crying out loud!  

CARROT
Thanks you guys! You're just the best! (He brings them in for a hug which makes eggplants eyes light up and potato to lick his lips. They have him wrapped around their fingers. Carrot Walks off stage potato and eggplant join in the center. )
EGGPLANT+POTATO
We got him!  (They walk off separate sides of the stage)

EGGPLANT
(Offstage) And Potato... STAY OFF MY MAN!  
END SCENE
***
SCENE 9 (celery sits on stage with her bag of spices just generally marveling at their glory. No one is with her but radish who is secretly watching her on stage. Celery begins monologuing)
CELERY
My whole life has built up to this moment!! All the spices are finally mine (Over dramatic villain laugh) Mwahhhhhaaahhhaaahaa! And those silly little veg heads have no idea that I have them! I just stole them away while they were sleeping! It’s the perfect crime! There's no witness, no evidence, no who, what, where, or how! Now it’s just me and my spices forever and ever and ever and EVER! Of course if there was a witness... I would be forced to “Take care of them” If you know what I mean... (Celery winks. this sentence makes radish grimace in fear) Of course there is that (Mocking carrot with finger quotes) “Were all are to be eaten” thing... but when has a little death ever scared me! I, celery greenbod Stringyhair, am not scared of death! All I need to be happy is right here...  (pets her spices) Rosemary, cayenne there all my beautiful joys in life. My outstanding babies! NO one could ever take this joy from me!
(Radish pops out to confront celery running over to tell her off)
RADISH
But if you said that... You would be LYING! (Radish grabs the spices from celery)
CELERY
What in the great gardeners watering can, are YOU doing HERE!?!
RADISH
I’m here to steal your spices away from you, because.... Well, just BECAUSE alright? (As radish tries to run celery pulls her back forcefully and swipes the spices out of her hands)
CELERY
(To the spices) Oh my babies! Are you all right?! There, there mother’s got you! That tap root can't hurt you anymore!
RADISH
We’ll see about that! (Radish lunges toward celery and steals back the spices)(mimicking celery but with lacking enthusiasm) Oh my babes... Are you alright? There there mom has you. That gardening tool Can’t hurt you any more!
CELERY
Not bad for a salad vegetable but(Trying to yank spices out of radishes hands) YOU need to UP your ENERGY! (Gets spices out of radishes arms) HA! (Runs up stage away from radish and points at her like she’s the devil) YOU SHOULD LEAVE before SOMETHING happens to you! Let’s just say all they’ll find left of you is the leaves I’ll pull from your rooty little HEAD!
RADISH
(Runs up to celery jabbing her finger at celery on each emphasized word) YOU are a LIAR missy! I refuse to put up with your lies any longer! You GREEDY, STRINGY, VORACIOUS, SAD excuse for a marshland plant! (Grabs the spices away) And YOU will never see your precious (Mocking celery with air quotes) “Babies” AGAIN! (Radish opens the lid to the spices and stuffs a handful into her mouth)

CELERY
(Sobbing) Stop! you don’t know what your doing!



RADISH
(With mouth full) Yes (stuffs more in her mouth) I (Stuffs the last bit in her mouth) Do! (She swallows dramatically and drops the empty container the spices were in on the floor)
CELERY
(Falls to her knees in anguish) NOOOOO!
RADISH
Yes! (Looks frantically away as celery gets up and inches toward her seething in anger) Now looks like I...  Gotta run! (Runs away while celery chases after her)
END SCENE
***
SCENE 10 (Mushroom and tomato are on stage meditating. They are both next to center stage and are cheating out while facing each other. Mushroom is saying “Hmmmm” And tomato is saying things like ammm ooommm iamm eamm each time mushroom says mmmm. He does this until he runs out of vowels)
TOMATO
(Opens his eyes and un crosses his legs) Mushroom?
(Mushroom continues with another um still meditating)
TOMATO
(Annoyed) Mushroom?

MUSHROOM
Ummmmmmmm.....
TOMATO
Mush.... (Mushroom cuts him off)
MUSHROOM
Namaste my seedy red faced friend..... Ummmm
TOMATO
(Furious and yelling) MUSHROOM!!!
(Mushroom jumps to his feet frightened and turns slowly towards tomato)
MUSHROOM
My lovely cherry tomato.... (Normal) It’s not working is it!
TOMATO
WHAT do YOU THINK!!!!!
MUSHROOM
I think (Hesitantly) Maybe?
(Tomato groans and stomps over to a box up stage)
TOMATO
(Sorrowful) I just wanna be happy....
MUSHROOM
It’s gonna be a lot of work... but (Walks over and sits next to tomato) We can do it if we work together! I won’t leave you like diced tomatoes in an angry little can! Now let's go(Hasn’t learned from his previous pun mistake) we've got some work to ketchup (Elbow nudges tomato) On!
(Tomato groans get up angry and chases mushroom offstage)

MUSHROOM
(Lights are still up. offstage) This is gonna harder than I thought (Lights down)-
END SCENE
***
SCENE 11 (Carrot flexes center stage he is sitting on a box and eggplant is staring at him with goo goo eyes potato is looking at him and licking his lips)
CARROT
You see! Are you guys seeing this!? One muscle (Flexes left arm) Is slightly larger than the other (Flexes right arms)
(As carrot flexes left arm potato rubs his tummy and eggplant says “Oooh” as he flexes the right arm potato licks his lips very vigorously and pulls out a book titled recipes for cannibals like me and eggplant swoons and says ahhh)
CARROT
Maybe it’s cause I’m left handed.... Look! Isn’t it just perfectly hideous! It has to be my only flaw!
EGGPLANT
No! Your flawless! Perfect! Just amazingly perfect!
CARROT
No no... well maybe... yes! Even when I’m softening I’m still a stupendous stud! I bet I’ll be delicious!
POTATO
(Licks his lips again)Of course! Your just so edible! Anyone with half a stem could see that!  
CARROT
Oh you guys! Your almost as great as me! (laughing with eyes closed)Ha ha ha

POTATO
(Fake laughing as he inches closer to carrot mouth open ready to take a bite) Ha Ha Ha
EGGPLANT
(Fake laughing while puckering her lips leaning in for a kiss) Ha Ha Ha
CARROT
(Opening eyes gasping) huuuuh! YOU TWO! You AWFUL AGUBRINE AND YOU SPUD DUD! Why I can't believe you would betray me like this! I thought we were friends! How could something like this happen to someone SO great like me!? And before death? I bet that those things you said to me aren’t true either! You don’t think I’m perfect, you don’t think I’m beautiful! Well news flash: I AM A GREAT GARDENER GOD ON EARTH! Out! Before I peel you to nothing! (he chases them off stage and then he comes back on and sits on a box head in hands)
CARROT
I thought for once in my life... I had friends...
END SCENE
***
SCENE 12 (celery enters looking defeated and sits on the floor hunched over she is utterly depressed as radish has eaten her babies)
CELERY
Hey Gardner’s I’m ready to go! Come on let those nasty flesh lumps eat me already! I have nothing no friends, no spices, NOTHING! Let those “HUMANS” Slurp me up and chew me to mush! There’s nothing left in this pot but sadness and regret! (She lays on the floor and waits to die)
(Radish enters hesitantly and heads over to celery... She taps celery’s shoulder and celery looks at her lazily and depressed)



CELERY
What do you want? Are you gonna eat the only shred of dignity I have left too? Go right ahead...
RADISH
I’m sorry I ate your spices and called you all those mean names! I was just jealous... You looked like you were having so much fun... I wanted to have fun too. Anyways i just wanted you to have (Pulls some spices out of her pocket) These...
CELERY
(Looks over is surprised and happy jumps to feet and grabs the spices) Where... Where’d you find these?!
RADISH
There my own mini collection... I... wanted you to have them.
CELERY
(Hug radish who is surprised) Thank you!
RADISH
Your welcome! (Valley girl accent) Hey like just totally like a thought... What if like we became like besties for the rest of our lives!
CELERY
Like Totally! (Both happy scream as they jump up and down together like in the Disney channel original movies)
RADISH
Come on bestie let’s go hang out! (They hook arms and begin to walk)
CELERY
If we're gonna be besties... we're gonna need friendship bracelets...




RADISH
Totally! (They exit arm in arm Lights down)

END SCENE
***
SCENE 13 (carrot sits alone on stage center with head in heads. eggplant enters and stands next to carrot until he looks at her he begins to speak)
CARROT
What are YOU doing here...?
(She sits on the floor next to him)
EGGPLANT
I came to say bye...
CARROT
What... What do you mean (Both stand up)
EGGPLANT
I’m not going to pursue you anymore....
CARROT
Why?... I mean.. Why should I care?
EGGPLANT
I’ve realized that ever since i've met you you've been stubborn, rude, stupid, and just all around full of yourself! I thought “Why should I be chasing after this orange... guy... if he’s never even shown interest in me. Why should my voluptuous curves and never ending charm be wasted on a conceited JERK like you! So... I’m done!
CARROT
(Sad) Done? (trying to hide his sadness) Yeah... that’s good... I... I don’t care about you!
EGGPLANT
Goodbye... You beautiful hunk of a man you... I’m done.. Just know... your the one who's missing out on all of this (Gestures at herself showing off her beauty) Good riddance (She exits with a sassy walk leaving carrot all alone)
CARROT
Good riddance... (Tries to entertain himself by looking at his muscles he gets bored gets up paces left and right one time then sits down again) This is BORING and I’m so lonely.
CARROT
I miss her...

END SCENE
***
SCENE 14 (tomato is attempting to meditate while mushroom jogs around him they both stop and stand up and begin to argue.)

MUSHROOM
All this jogging... IT’S USELESS!
(Mushroom stomps up stage right. Tomato follows.)
TOMATO
Well, DO YOU THINK THIS MEDITATING IS DOING ANYTHING!?!
MUSHROOM
It’s SUPPOSED to calm you down! But you anger is an undying flame!
TOMATO
Keep my... ANGER... OUT OF THIS!

MUSHROOM
YOU’RE (jabs finger into tomatoes chest) not in charge of me! All this jogging is not doing anything to make me more productive! In fact it’s doing the opposite! It’s making me so tired... That I can’t do ANYTHING ELSE AFTERWARDS!
TOMATO
Well sorry your such a bad student!
MUSHROOM
Bad student?! Bad Student?! Ever thought that MAYBE your a bad teacher?!
(They both sit down back to back with a loud huff of anger)
TOMATO
I just wanted to be happy...
MUSHROOM
And I just wanted to be productive...
TOMATO
You know what... maybe I don’t need to be happy to be happy... You know? Maybe I’m happy angery! I shouldn’t have to change who I am! (Stands up) I’m happy with who I am! I’m... i’m... (Yelling) ANGRY!!!
MUSHROOM
I get it! I don’t have to be productive to be happy! I’m happy to say (Stands up) I’m a procrastinator!
(Tomato and Mushroom turn towards each other)
TOMATO
I’m happy your happy! I’m sorry!


MUSHROOM
I’m happy your happy! I’m sorry too! (They Shake hands) Friends?
TOMATO
FRIENDS! (They walk off together lights down)
END SCENE
***
SCENE 15 (eggplant sits happily on a box admiring her nails, playing with her hair. Carrot enters as if looking for something he spots eggplant and stops looking. He walks hesitantly over to her.)
CARROT
Hey Eggplant....
(Eggplant turns her back from carrot. Carrot comes over and sits next to her)
EGGPLANT
Carrot.
CARROT
I... I... I miss you!
EGGPLANT
(Excited) YOU DO! (Trying to hide excitement and be serious) I MEAN... you do.
CARROT
Yes... I do! I’m lonely without your constant circling, and worshiping, and I LOVE YOU EGGPLANT!   
EGGPLANT  
YOU WHAT!  


CARROT
I love you? I know you said you never want to see me again... It’s stupid... I’ll... I’ll... just go. Unless...
EGGPLANT
(Interrupting and happy) NO THANKS! Buh bye!  
CARROT
What... what do you mean no thanks!
EGGPLANT
I mean NO THANKS! I’ve chased you for years and now, after I give up, you want me? Ha! Not today buddy!
CARROT  
But...
EGGPLANT
Nope! See you later you rabid root vegetable... JERK! (Slaps carrot in the face then skips off stage)
CARROT
Huh... (Pause) Well at least I still got the beautiful, marvelous, outstanding, me! (Exits hugging himself lights down)    
END SCENE
***





SCENE 16 (Carrot mushroom and tomato enter from one side of the stage. celery radish and potato enter on the other side. Lights open on them being “stirred” (Running in a circle to the left then to the right then to the left then to the right when they stop) everyone is screaming and yelling while being stirred but when that stop they all are beside themselves (carrot pacing saying I’m too beautiful to die etc.) Above the pandemonium radish steps up on a box and after yet another confrontation with carrot (But this time winning the tussle) she gets on top of the box and the whole crowd is shushed for a moment and radish looks like she is going to say something important. she quiet for a moment until...)
RADISH
WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
(Radish runs off stage *Quick change to eggplant, A change of hair and shirt* and the stage returns to chaos)
EGGPLANT
Hi.. everyone? What’s going on?
TOMATO
THEY’RE STIRRING, AND STIRRING, AND... AND... (Sobbing)IT'S DINNER TIME!!!
EGGPLANT
What... (Realizing) WHAT!? ALREADY?! BUT... BUT!!! I’M NOT READY TO BE EATEN!!!
(They are stirred once to the left and once to the right screaming all the while)
CARROT
HOLD ME EGGPLANT!!! (He drifts toward eggplant who pushes him away) HOLD ME CARROT!!! (He hugs himself)
MUSHROOM
(They all begin to jiggle and fall to the floor except for potato who laughs evilly in the corner) What’s Happening Now!?
POTATO
YOU my dear fungi friend... are SOFTENING!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!

CELERY
SOFTENING! Wait... WHAT’S THAT!
POTATO
Well you see my silly little stringy head... These past two days you've been becoming weaker and weaker! Your puny little veggie bodies have been growing... softer and softer... And I plan to take advantage of the soft weakness and... EAT YOU ALL MYSELF!!!! MWWAH HA HA!!! (Everyone gasps)
CARROT
BUT... BUT... WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN SOFTENING!?
POTATO
Well, you orange IMPOSIBLE... Haven't you read any potato pins on pinterest lately!? POTATOES take the longest to soften!!!
CELERY
YOU MANIAC!!!
POTATO
NOT maniac my dear! PURE GENIUS!!!! Now if you’ll all excuse me... IT’s time for me to chow down on... THE SOUP OF THE DAY!!!
(Lights go down. A loud chomp sound effect is heard. a pillow is stuffed under potatoes shirt to make him look gull of food. Lights come back on. Potato is alone center stage. Potato burps a small burp)
POTATO
Eh...Too salty...
(He is stirred once the lights go down his screaming is heard and then a slurp.  lights go up on narrator at a table with an empty bowl in front of him his napkin handkerchief covered in soup stains)


NARRATOR
Life is full of unexpectations... For example... when you cook a vegetable medley stew for seven... and end up with potato soup serving for just one... The veggies had expected to do everything left on their bucket list... but instead they ended up with heavy hearts and nothing left but their right pinky toes. They didn’t expect fate's cruel hand to smash them with a decrepit fist this early in life. And they surely didn’t expect potatoes secret plot to overpower them in their last moments. IF the veggies were to merely expect the unexpectations as expectations they would still be here to tell their intriguing tales. So I urge you... expect the unexpected... think the unbelievable... try something crazy... or dye your graying hair... Just whatever you do don’t wait until your goose is cooked... eat life raw! It may be a bloody mess sometimes but.. ehh! At least you get a final meal... Thank you for bombarding into the boiling broth, and thank you for taking just one sip of... The Sin Is In The Stew... (lights down)
END SCENE
***

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  • January 11, 2019 - 10:59am (Now Viewing)

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