Peer Review by Writers of the World (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


He wrote love letters in the stars but she forgot her glasses - it happens.

By: R.j.Elsewhere


FREE WRITING

The bar was buzzed on the drops of old 20’s Jazz and the talk of heels on floorboards. Some draped cigars off the edge of their full lips, purring wisps of white and nicotine in the warmth of the air. Others gnawed on pistachios shells and nursed the taste of salt and rum on the pale of their gums.
 
“Well, darlin’,” charmed Fate, “what did I tell ya? We’re written in the stars, you and me. It’s destiny.”
 
The night was one of youth and gamble – yet all those who stepped foot through the tavern’s doors where ones of forever and eternal; ones that were young in the face yet eon in the eyes.
 
Coincidence moaned, “Oh please. This is nothing but a fluke.”
 
Fate gave a lazed chuckle and took his beer bottle by the mouthful, “really now? What’s with you and all this not believing that everything ain’t on purpose?” Fate teased, “When was the last time me and you were in the same country, in the same state, in the same bar, sipping on the same goddamn drink. Face it darlin’, we’re meant to be.”
 
Suddenly the alcohol on Coincidence’s lips turned to vinegar, “an odd and rare turn of events, I must agree. But, darlin’, this is nothing more than a foray of ill-luck on my behalf; but trust me, an accident like this will not be happening again.”
 
While silence blessed both tongue and ear for them, it soiled the ease in the air for all. Carving something once drunkenly delightful into a stale, solemn thing.
 
“One day, Coincidence,” whispered Fate, “you will believe in me. I just know it.”
 
Coincidence retorted with a smile, “and one day, Fate – you will hate me, it just happens.”
 
What a funny thing, really; for Fate to love Coincidence, but Coincidence to hate to be loved by Fate. Maybe it was dumb luck – maybe it was good fortune.
 
Or maybe it was just them.

This is inspired by a tumblr post i stumbled upon waaaay back when I had tumblr. I don't have the link but I do have the person's username if you wanna go check it out - which you really should considering it's actual gold - here it is:

Username: eternallyobsessed. 

Peer Review

This title didn't prepare for the piece written, however, it's beautifully done, and written unique and in a way that leaves the writer wondering. The style of this story is what of the best parts about it, how you pick the perfect things for the characters to say, how they say it, how you word each of your details, where all of it goes. Everything about the organization and development of this piece is creative and original. The contrasting characters are a story of their own, and making fate the man and coincidence the girl was genius. Everything about this screams at me and how the two relate and are different from each other. Details! Details! Details! You picked the perfect ones to add, and said them beautifully. The time period is in the 20s, therefore not in this time, or a made up one, which lots of writers/authors use. Great choice! Your inspiration must of ignited a fire in you, because this piece s wonderful!!


Which do you believe in, one over the other? A little bit of both? Neither? Life's just life? Do you think their opinion's could be switch? Or would it have to take a different scenario?


Reviewer Comments

Great work!!!!
Congratulations on your nomination by Anha!!