PLEASE DO THIS
Written By: Rose, Thorn
January 10, 2019
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Its late at night and the parking lot is dark. Suddenly a large body slams into mine shoving me against the ground as a hand slams over my mouth. My scream dies in my throat as his lips graze my check, please no is my last thought.
I'm terrified that he'll get sick again because if he does, he most likely won't win. I remember when he was first diagnosed, and how awful it was when he told me he didn't want to die. I never want him to experience that ever again.
I'm tired of life. I feel alone in a crowd. Where do I fit in?
If I said I was always happy, that'd be a lie; but if I said I was constantly sad, that would be a lie too. Everything I've ever done has been a one-second blip on the radar of a submarine going through a school of millions of submarines.
So I'm a bittersweet liar; but nobody notices those.
When I graduate, there's nothing left for me. What am I supposed to do with my life when I have no direction? All the colleges and majors and careers and opportunities... I can't choose, and it's scary.
In all the times felt alone, in all the times I watch them leave me, in all the times I been left all, I never felt as sad now as I have before. The worst part, is the fact you'll never know how hard all of it was. And that all the pain I went through, all the suffering, all the sorrow, was for nothing.
When you perform the miracle of life - the contractions, gripping your partner's hand, garbled screams, tears of pain and then tears of joy - you expect happiness. You expect years of happiness, of swinging your toddler in the park and hearing the giggles and the first words and the first steps; I was even looking forward to the teenage years! The thing you never expect is to stand over their grave, sobbing and thinking of all the life wasted like ashes in the wind.
I just want to go home- not here, where I am judged and unknown. I just want to go home- where my friends and family are and where the colors of the leaves change. Let me go home, please, my heart is still there, torn; my soul is crying, howling tears; my mind is replaying memories until it goes numb; and my body is exhausted and hurt and just misses home with its whole existence.
What if I get a call today, from the school, saying that my brother died in an accident? Please, Lord, don't let that day come; losing my smile is losing part of me, and I don't know if I'd be able to find it again after that. He's my best friend, but so much more; if he dies before me, I think that would be the day my heart would break.
What if she’s gone? What if the last words I ever said to her are “Go away, you little brat”?
How will I ever forgive myself?
Maybe if I hadn't told him what I thought. Maybe if I had only hoped a little more.
Maybe if I wasn't too late.
I thought we had so much time left. Yet like a robber’s haul you were taken away. No more air for me or for you.
As he stood to get on that plane, to leave me, tears came gushing out of my already red eyes. Soon I realized I had no tears left to cry. I crumpled to the floor as he walked out of sight, the little baby who I loved so much.
AJ - Izzy
"It was my fault", I shook from the truth in my words.
Comforting words surrounded me, but the truth was too real.
"I could've saved her", I cried with sorrow; with my head in my hands, I cried.
"Why on earth didn't you go?" Hayley cried out.
"Because I love him too much to hurt him anymore. Goodnight."
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