Eaccd622 66c5 48ab 878f 4aff3503487b

paperbird

United States

Message to Readers

i need feedback i'm horrible at matching syllables

to mother earth

January 11, 2019

FREE WRITING

5
take me to the simple hills
where the azure lifts and falls
where the sky and sea combine
in the great and roaring winds

take me to the mountain grass
and bring me to a fawn
oh, i felt her roaming eyes
like whispers on my cheeks

take me to the widened glades
and string me to the fruited trees
i squeezed a peach, soft and brown
the gentle sap slicked my tongue

take me to a better time
when the world was lush and small
and the pines breathed with sun
mother earth---preserver, creator

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  • January 11, 2019 - 7:11pm (Now Viewing)

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5 Comments
  • Winter

    wow


    6 months ago
  • AJ - Izzy

    Hey, contest results are up!
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/98265/version/186834
    Amazing, really!
    Which 3 pieces would you like me to review?


    6 months ago
  • Luna Lemon

    The imagery in this piece is amazing in every meaning of the word. It's so vivid and left me holding my breath while reading this piece to its entirety. There are so many incredible lines, but the one that stood out to me the most was, " i felt her roaming eyes / like whispers on my cheeks". That was so well done, as you use a simile to show the true gentleness of, 'Mother Earth's' gaze with the beautiful comparison of whispers on cheeks. That line in particular made me feel so peaceful in this rich poem. And I love the last words(preserver, creator) that really bring this piece together.
    Incredible job as always with your pieces. Keep writing, I love everything I read from you:)


    6 months ago
  • Anha

    what's with all these people writing about peaches lately lmao. the last stanza was the part that really pulled me in to this romanticised version of nature. i can't pinpoint anything wrong with the other stanzas that lost my interest (reading them again, the first stanza is also pretty vivid) but perhaps this needs extending to truly explore this vision of the world you're trying to convey? love your work!


    6 months ago
  • Riley Noel

    The combined use of both, beautiful imagery and timing really bring this piece to life.


    6 months ago