Every day starts out pretty much the same for me. I wake up very unwillingly for school, frantically choose what to wear and put it on, brush my hair, put on some makeup, head downstairs and grab my stuff, drive to school, and just before I pull in to get dropped off I make sure to take my pills. Pills, drugs, they’re all the same category, but for me, I can barely function without them. No, I don't have a disease I have ADHD and an Anxiety Disorder.
Most people don't think too much when they here about people having anxiety, especially older people. But it is a real thing and for me, it's a real issue. Personally, it affected me in a very weird way due to the fact that it went unrecognized for years and that I was only diagnosed not even a year ago now.
Every week I go to the “doctor,” a.k.a my therapist. I go for talking and getting advice and it was the best decision I have ever made. Once a month I go to the psychiatrist to get my medication prescriptions and for all the more technical things. Honestly, I am so lucky to just even have the opportunity to have these two people, and to afford it.
That all isn’t the point of this story, it’s all a setup.
Because of all of my issues, my past was in one way or another, very, rocky. So many issues that I had in the past finally had reasoning or at least partial reasoning. But with that clarity, I had a weird unsettled feeling. How had I not known earlier? All of these memories were coming back to light in a whole new way and I didn't know what to do.
That year, I focused on my past more than the present and didn’t even think of the future. Everything seemed so fuzzy. I was so busy trying to figure out what happened before that I could even understand what I was doing in the current day. But, I got better.
It was towards the end of the school year when I found out about all of my “issues.” I would say that is the worst time to find out but I couldn’t control that. Once summer came I got a little better, yet not enough to be ok. What happened during the summer changed all that.
This might sound super stupid, but my friends saved my sanity, they saved me. I started doing a school activity over the summer and met a lot of new people and became friends with most of them. Spending one evening a week over the whole summer with these people, learning, laughing, loving, it saved me.
I met people who were going through the exact same thing and learned it was more common than I thought. I gained confidence, both body wise and mentally. Yes there was drama there is with any high school activity, but I learned and I understood more about life than I had in a long time.
I was actually believing in the future.
Instead of worrying about the past, I was focused on the present and excited for the future. I was looking forward to the new school year and to what I knew it would hold. I was pumped to be who I was and was more confident than ever.
Do I still have my doubts? Absolutely. Does my anxiety still get to me sometimes? Of course! It doesn't just disappear but it does get better. I will still get so low that I don't even know what I’m doing anymore but I will always come back, not just to be there, but to be there for myself. I will be there for myself because I owe it to myself and I deserve it.
I deserve a future, not just because it’s there, but because I believe in it.
I believe in the future.
This story is me telling my true experiences from the past year. I wrote it for school but I honestly think there are so many kids that need to hear this because it does get better. Life can make a complete U-turn for the better. It takes some time and it certainly takes effort, but its so so worth it.