Eimphee

New Zealand

Hi I'm Sophie, I'm 17, and my life aspiration is to eat fruit pastries and own a goldfish

Probablyalizard.tumblr.com

Message to Readers

please just give me any sort of feedback. Any indication that u've read this thing. I truly did take from my life, so I have suffered for this piece. Goodnight.

An Essay On Why I love Salt and Vinegar Chips

January 6, 2019

FREE WRITING

16
The date reads: 7 January, 2019.

It is early in the year. At this time annually there's a notion -

(And I do say notion because lets face it, the rigid bounds of a resolution have never steered me into any fruitful result,) 

A notion that maybe I could eat healthy this year. For a few weeks, I will shred iceberg lettuce and cucumber and green vegetation into bowls and halfheartedly tell myself it is appetising as I struggle to swallow. I will purchase something that has quinoa in it. Maybe I'll even drink a smoothie, albeit mans most uncreative solution to bolster fruit intake.

At least, this was the plan. My sister turned 12 on the second of this month. Her friends were away on holiday. We pushed the celebration to the sixth. On the morning of this day, my mother returned from Pak N Save with the bounty for this event; A small, delicately iced red velvet cake. A dozen homely little green tea jellies. Orange juice that was remarkably orange. And of course chippies! Because we love chippies.

Do I love salt and vinegar chips? To ask this is to question love itself. Did Icarus love the sun? Like him, my relationship with my desire is of passion. A white hot consuming passion, that melted the wax from foolish Icarus' wings and plunged him to a cold, watery grave. Sure, he is a tragic figure. But as Oscar Wilde once famously said,

"It is a rare thing to live. Most people just exist."

Was it so cursed of him then, to try and grasp that beautiful glowing sun? If it's flickering dance inspired him more than the earth, was it so foolish to, for a moment, experience it truly? Passion is the only thing human can share, in an intensity just as powerful, as that of a Gods. Desire transcends the mortal body. It grasps us, just as it grasps divinity, and the pursuit to fulfil this desire is the root of all of history's most horrible wars, yet also every incredible romance. 

Thin cut, bluebird prime potato salt and vinegar chips have inspired me since I was young. The site of it's curling greasy slices stirs a yearning in me, the mere crinkling of it's plastic wrapper leaving me salivating, pavlovian.
My mother, serpent of Eden, and I, mere Eve, placed before me on that morning, three (3) Jumbo family pack sized bags of thin cut prime potato blue bird salt and vinegar chips, and told me, this is not for me. This is for my clown sister, and her clown 12 year old friends. She is a fool. They cannot be stirred to such passion to this as I could. I despaired. And the universe, in it's gracious unknowable ways, blessed me with young Nicki, one of the aforementioned guests / 12 year old clown friends, who was also gluten free, and was therefore, unable to take her portion of the salt and vinegar chips.

Here I am. It is 1 am. My eyes burn from writing this. My stomach burns from the acidity of the chips, the inside of my cheek too, tasting metallic. When I run my tongue over it, the flesh is jarred and disturbed, comprising of tiny peaks and dips like whipped sour cream dip. The vinegar has cut into it. The salt, tenderised and worn it away like a hammer to a steak.

Beyond me, the foot of my bed. Three empty jumbo bags of chips. Beside me, littered between the duvet and carpet, minuscule yellow-white potato shards, acrid and sharp like glass. I cannot move. My body aches all over.

Somewhere, another time, another reality-

Icarus reaches out to the sun.

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  • January 6, 2019 - 6:10am (Now Viewing)

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12 Comments
  • JadeAndSerpentine

    I love this essay (but NOT the chips)! Though I cannot agree with them, your descriptions are clever and funny.


    10 months ago
  • TheOriginalEliza™

    I can absolutely relate to your love of salt and vinegar chips


    10 months ago
  • BrokenSmile

    You just compared chips to the sun and it made sense. O.o Aside from how hilarious this piece is, it is also a great essay with a lot of precise language. Keep it up!


    10 months ago
  • green.eyes.gurl

    Very passionate and well-written. I, however, must admit that I can not STAND the taste of salt and vinegar potato chips. My friends made me try it a few weeks ago and I spit it out pretty much immediately. This is very good, though!


    11 months ago
  • Ruthh

    Vinegar is the nastiest thing in the world but this essay? Honestly one of the best things I’ve ever read wowzers welcome to the site!!! You’re excellent at first impressions!!! Happy writing :)


    11 months ago
  • N.

    This was the best essay I have ever read and probably will ever read about potato chips. Honestly, this is one of the best essays I've ever read, period. And "clown sister" (and the rest of that paragraph) was likely the most accurate description of having a sibling I've seen. Thank you for this masterpiece. ;)


    11 months ago
  • Quille

    So good! :D I love it :DD


    11 months ago
  • Julius Caesar

    I love love love love love love love this. It's so wonderfully well written. I love the pain and acidity that salt and vinegar chips bring. It's special in it's own way.


    11 months ago
  • artificialaorta

    the dramatism and irony make this piece so fkin funny. perfectly executed religious and classical references in an essay about vinegar chips? might be one of my favourite pieces in here. thanks for this!


    11 months ago
  • Kenny

    This is hilarious, and I love it.


    11 months ago
  • Johanna

    Also, welcome to WtW! Hope you've been enjoying it here ;)


    11 months ago
  • Johanna

    This is art, my friend. A true masterpiece. Comparing salt and vinegar chips to the sun? Beautiful. Honestly, this was amazingly written! Love it so much! Keep on writing, and remember, the pain is worth it! xD


    11 months ago