Peer Review by Ashleigh2403 (United States)

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My mother has white hands and no heart #Fire

By: R.j.Elsewhere


FREE WRITING

‘someday, there will be rooms within you because you are a woman; cellar of wines and depressions, living-rooms with coffee tables and torpor, kitchens that bake carrot cakes and lusting eyes. the deadlocks on each one of their doors is the only thing that makes these rooms – rooms of a woman.’ said mother.

and I’ve never seen her hands do anything but mend the clay which come from the innards of her locket, and yet today they have put down their secrets and scars to cup the fat of my cheeks.

‘sometimes,’ said mother, her hands smelt of smoke and cinder. ‘– some men and some women, but all lovers – will come with picklocks and crowbars. Sometimes – most men and most women, but still all lovers – will come with sledgehammers and clubs. Sometimes – barely any men and scarcely any women, but always the right lovers – will come with keys and gentle knocks. But no matter what they come with – they will all get in somehow.’

mother’s fingers where chewed fingers with chewed nails – I think short nails are terrible for moulding clay. yes, mother never has to worry about the white of clay sleeping in the bedding of her nails, but that doesn’t stop them from licking at her fingertips until they are outworn and all white-boned. it hurts when she holds my cheeks like this.

‘what did father bring?’ asked I, her lockless girl.

mother said nothing until she turned her hands back to her clay table.

‘your daddy came with gasoline and matches. Your father came with a fire. And he melted all the locks away – when he burnt the whole house down.’ it was then I realised that mother was not sculpting clay – all white and playful – but ashes; all dead and cold.

mother was trying to rebuild the ashes of her fire taken house – her blaze broken heart.

Thanks for the creative contest, PureHeart! It was super fun it work with. I hope you enjoy it!
 

Peer Review

this is a very powerful piece with amazing descriptions. when you read it you truly see things through the perspective of the mother.


I think this shows the mother's feelings well. I wonder how the daughter feels about everything


Reviewer Comments

I think this portrays a deep sorrow and bitterness very well