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Message to Readers

The entirety of the first story, but with an added thing from today. I didn't really do a closing/outro thingy because I a) wasn't sure how I would do that and b) didn't really feel like it.

Stops (Updated 1/2/19)

January 4, 2019


I see the name
Flash across my screen

Oh, no.

I close out every tab
And my heart just

I can't breathe.

He wants to know
But how do I tell him?

He wants to know who I like
But how do I tell him it's him?
I can't.
I don't open it.

Fast forward to the following morning

I slam my front door
And sprint down my cul-de-sac
The entire way
Until I reach the bus stop

Approximately thirteen seconds later
The bus turns and starts to pull up.
It stops, opening its doors to let us three on
I go to my seat: the first behind the driver

I start talking to Jos
And then I hear my name
And my entire body turns to jello
And I just melt.

He called my name
He wants to talk to me
I turn to look at him
And he says to me...

...'Good morning'

He forgot! Yay!

Fast forward to seventh period, at about one o'clock

During homeroom, all was normal
During first period, all was normal
During fourth period, all was normal
But seventh period.

I walk into seventh period
And start talking to Gabby
Then more people start coming in
So I go to my seat.

I sit right in front of him.

So I'm standing at my desk, right?
And then he walks in.

I haven't even said anything
I've barely even looked at him.
'You still haven't told me who you like!'

Fast forward to the Thursday of that week

Ryley has told me
That he is getting suspicious.
That he asked Ryley
If I like him.

Ryley said no.

Then at lunch on Thursday
He asked Ryley the same thing again.

Ryley said he didn't know,
And that it was possible.

Fast forward to after school, at about 3:15

So I'm in Future City.
We are standing at the whiteboard
Just starting to plan our model
Even though the competition is in about a month

And Ryley pulls out his phone
And opens his Snapchat

I ask him if the guy has said anything
He says no,
Then asks me if I wanted him to tell the guy

I debated for a solid minute
Then said yes

So he started texting him,
But we were set free from the room of hell
Before he actually told him

Fast forward to the next morning

I was a car rider the next day,
Because my dad wasn't working
And because I didn't know if I could handle it

So the car riders/walkers get to go to lockers
Before the bus people are usually all in.
But Brianna's bus has to start the route for 
The building starting after us,
So her bus unloads into the cafeteria.

I find her and tell her what happened
She goes "Oh, sh*t, Catherine"
And we go to the pit.

When I am in the pit,
I finally realize that there is absolutely no way to avoid this.
My locker is right next to his.

So I'm getting all my materials together
And he comes walking down the hallway.

He says "Hello," to me
Just the same way as he does every morning.

I say "Hello," right back to him
And don't say anything about me liking him

He starts talking about whatever
And doesn't say anything about it.

The day goes on
And nothing.
But Ryley told me what happened.

Ryley told me
The guy said that he likes someone else
Which I already knew
But he would still be friends with me
And treat me the same

I feel like him and Bela sugar-coated it.

Fast forward to 6:15 pm. The Winter Ball is happening from 6 to 8

Ah, school dances.
My building doesn't do formal dances.
My building does informal dances
Where you come wearing the same clothes
That you put on after P.E. class without deodorant.

Some students don't realize that they aren't supposed to dress up.
Those students are the students that have just come to this building.
My friends make fun of them.
'If that girl dances or bounces at all, her boobs are going to fall right out of that dress. She looks like a sl*t'
'Those heels look so bad. We should just shove them down her throat now because there's absolutely no way she's dancing in them'
'What the actual hell is that supposed to be? Is that a dress or a tube top, sweetheart? She's wearing it like the former, but I really think it's the latter'
'Didn't I tell you this morning that Estelle stuffed her bra? She is not that big, and it's all lumpy and uneven'
All things that they don't say to their faces, of course
But if you ask me?
And I respond honestly?
I think it's kinda cute that they wanna dress up
And feel super pretty.

That's all besides the point of this story, though.

At 6:15 pm, my parents took me to the school.
My dad gave me his phone for the night
So that I could have them pick me up early
If I had a major anxiety attack.

You see, my parents don't like social media.
Even though they are on it, they don't let me on it
They won't let me have a phone or a tablet of some sort.
They don't trust me.

So anyway,
Before we had left,
While they were downstairs eating dinner,
And while I was upstairs getting ready,
I started texting the guy on Snapchat.

You can create the app groups on an iPhone,
And in the one titled "Catherine"
On the third page
Is Snapchat and an undeleted TikTok

I was texting him,
And asked him if he was going to the dance.
He wasn't.
He said "I'm going to the *insert local recreation center here*
To play futbol/soccer with some friends"

Let me just quick point out,
That he said "futbol"
Then put "soccer" so I wouldn't be confused.
He's Mexican
He's so cute

So when they dropped me off,
The car right in front of us was dropping off Aaliyah
And I did my awkward walk/run/gallop/wiggle over to her
And we walked in and payed the admission

I texted Brianna to find where she was
And when she got to us I told them

They were mad when I said he wasn’t coming
I texted him and told him so.

I was texting him for a while longer.
I went to work the concessions stand with Brianna
And probably mischarged a lot of people
But I was talking to him,
So it was okay.

And then he told me he had to go
But I had been posting on my story constantly, you see
And it said that he viewed my story

Fast forward to Monday afternoon, the bus sitting with Joselyn.

Joselyn and I are looking at those sad stories.
The ones that post the depressing quotes,
Usually about guys and relationships?
Yeah. That one.

So we’re looking at it.
And we see one and make eye contact immediately after reading.
It was somewhere along the lines of
“Why is she everything you need
But I am nothing you want” or
“What is it about me
That makes you not want me”
Or something like that.

So I said in a completely sarcastic tone
“You should send that to him
And just say ‘From Catherine’”
And so she did.
Sarcasm, Joselyn.

We kept texting him
And she kept sending him pictures of me
And then I had to get off the bus at my stop
And was left in suspense

Fast forward to Tuesday, the next morning

The next morning I rode the bus
And when I sat down the first thing I did
Was asking a Little Miss Joselyn
What had happened after I left

She told me that some stuff
Kinda went down
She pulled up his Snapchat story
And showed me what he put up the previous day

It was one of those things
That was basically saying
“You can ask me anything until the end of 2018,
And I will answer completely honestly,
But it has to stay between me and you.”

So Joselyn lets me read it
Then she turns to me and says,
“As soon as I saw this I asked him
If he thought he could ever like you back.”

I freaked out a little,
Just a little,
And asked her what he said
And she replied with “I can’t tell you”

So she asks him this,
And tells me she asked him
And yet has the audacity
To not tell me

Fast forward a few days, now it is Thursday

I have been pestering him
For days at this point
To absolutely no avail


We were looking at each other
Across the cafeteria
And he was mouthing something too fast
That I got really confused.

So I sent Daniel over
To find out the tea
And after a few miscommunications
He overall said…


He kept apologizing
And saying he didn’t want to hurt me
And I kept saying how I was fine
But honestly? And completely immaturely?
I kind of wanted to cry.

And so I did.
I told Aaliyah and Lyspa
And when I got home
I took a shower
Blasted my Sad Songs playlist on Spotify
Belted my heart out (what’s new?)
And cried a little.

Fast forward to the next day. It is Friday, and we have a half-day where we literally do nothing.

So I asked you what I should give him
For Christmas this year
And I was given the idea…
Of a vine.

So I got a miniature frikkin sign
“Road Work Ahead,”
And printed out a screenshot
Of that guy’s face
With the phrase “Uh…
I sure hope it does.”

Then I threw it in a bag
Threw in some red tissue paper.
I gave it to him on the bus
In the afternoon while saying
“This is so stupid
And you are gonna hate me forever,
But whatever”
And walked back up to
Sit with JD

He laughed and thought it was really funny
And then I got off the bus
And all was normal.


The thing that makes me sad,
The thing that makes me cry,
It’s the progression of actions.

The first day after he was told,
He acted normally.

We sit together in computer class, though
And he would always talk to me randomly
And be annoyed when I compare our typing speeds
(Which was my goal: to annoy him)
But over time,
He wouldn’t do that.
I would whisper small remarks to him during warm-up
And he wouldn’t respond.

I hope things get better
I hope they have already started
But who knows?
Things could stay awkward for a long time

I really hope not.

Fast forward to Wednesday, January 2nd, our first day back to school since our holiday break.

So today was going pretty normally.
He was actually treating me kind of more like before
And then seventh period was looming over me
As dark as the Rituel De Fille "Anti-Highlighter"

On the Thursday before break,
My English teacher put the desks into rows.
I assumed it was just for the day
So I didn't talk to her when I was seated.

I got put in a rather,
How shall we say this,
Unfortunate seat.

I was seated in the middle row.
In front of me was the ever-exhausting Riley B.
Behind me was my friend Ryley C
To my right was the guy and all his awkwardness
And to my left.
Oh, good God, to my left.

If you have been here for a little bit
And you know my history of relationships
And who is in my English class.


So I sit between awkwardness
And disgusting perverted liar.
I don't mind sitting next to him
I actually love sitting next to him
(He's still one of my best friends)
And haven't not sat by him in the class
At any time this year yet
*Knock on wood*

But sitting next to Him?
Forget it.
So I went up to her desk to talk to her
And I gave the general-as-can-be-description:
Some stuff went down between us
And I don't feel comfortable being near him.
She said "Okay,"
And I asked her if I could just switch seats with him
(I used his nickname at first just because
It's what I always call him)
And she said it was fine

So I moved my stuff over to his seat
And when he came in I told him we switched.
I didn't even bother telling him why,
Because I knew he knew why.
I've told him everything that happened
Everything Ew said and did.
All of it.
But that's besides the point.

He came in
And I told him
And he looked at where he was sitting now
And said in a very enthusiastic tone
"Thank you!"

I was a little confused
But I assumed he was just thanking me
For letting him know we switched.

Fast forward to right after the bell has rung. I had to go to orchestra, and he had to go to art club, which were both things we have to stop at our lockers to pack up for beforehand, since it is our last period and is likely to run late.

So like I've probably mentioned
Our lockers are right next to each other.
So from the same bus,
We go to neighboring lockers.
From neighboring lockers,
We go to the same homeroom/first period.
From the same seventh period,
We go right on back to our lockers
Then from our lockers
(Which we go back to after our last period,
Even though we're already packed up)
To the same bus.

There's no escaping.

So we were walking to our lockers in the pit
And that means that we would take a left.
Maddie was going over to the library for her study hall
And that meant that she was going to go straight

We were about to walk down the stairs into the pit
And he yells "Bye, Maddie!"
And I made fun of him,
Something along the lines of
Because I like pestering and annoying him.
And he told me to shut up
Because he doesn't like when I pester and annoy him.

We were talking at the lockers about Maddie and English
And he said "That's why I said thank you!
Because now I'm closer to her!"
And I put my hand on my chest and acted all offended
And said "UHM, OWWWW!!!" very loudly
And he replied with a "Oh, shut up.
You're still next to me."
And walked away to the art room.
This is really long so I apologize, but I didn't feel like writing five thousand different pieces like I did for the so-called "Guilty Series," so as these events were happening, I just filled them in daily. Here you go. NOW FOR SOME NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : 
*Please note that I am using a lowercase "him" which means that it is not Ew. When I start off a line with "He" and it is capitalized, that isn't Ew, either. This is someone else.
**Please note that I am also not talking about Zach. 
***Please not that when I am saying repetitively "...all was normal", I left out second, third and fifth period because I don't have those classes with him, and sixth period because that is lunch and I don't sit with him at lunch. 
****Please note that when I say "that week," it was this past week, the week of December 10th. 
*****Please note that the "room of hell," is Mrs Lawrence's room where Future City is held. Future City is commonly referred to by Ryley and I as "absolute hell" 
******Please note that "the pit," is a small outlet/hallway of inconvenience in my school. There is the art, health, tech-ed classrooms, fitness room, and teacher's lunch room down there, as well as a bunch of lockers. Students in the homerooms of the teachers of art, tech-ed, health, the librarian, either of the eighth grade math teachers, or the gold team science teacher have lockers in the pit.  
*******Please note that some students actually don't wear deodorant. Hunny. You smell. Realize that. 
********Please note that in another when I mentioned my I wish I was at my grandparent's house with my mom when they were arguing about Trump that I have a very solid point. This guy isn't just my crush, he is my BEST FRIEND. And Trump over here trying to get rid of Mexicans while my BEST FRIEND IS A MEXICAN? NO!!!! 
*********Please note that I am sitting with JD on the bus because the bus driver's daughter sat where I usually sit to hand out holiday treats (a.k.a. a mini candy cane when we get on the bus, a Ziploc bag with hot chocolate mix and mini marshmallows when we get off) 
**********Please note that it was @she's-got-a-story who gave me the idea of the vine.
***********Please note that if I have not mentioned it before this piece, Maddie is the girl that he likes.
************Please note that this is pretty much the set-up of what the desks look like around me:

Maddie          Riley             Taylor H              Noah

Ew                The Guy            Me                  Jered

                     Ryley              Lucas                Ashley

I don't know who sits behind or near Ew because I refuse to look at or near it. 
*************Please note that I say things like "I may have mentioned" or "If I haven't explained this yet" because I update this over multiple days, like I KNOW I mentioned, and don't feel like rereading to see what I have and have not touched upon.
**************Please note that I said "There's no escaping" in a joking way. I feel like you all will understand that I was just joking, but I wanted to make sure.


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  • January 4, 2019 - 11:47pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • Ursa


    I was worried for the sure the story was over but thank goodness it wasn't.

    I don't know why I felt so involved in this. The suspense. . . just so real and true and oddly relatable even though it's not. . .

    11 months ago