dang. 2018 was really something. i can't tell if i hated it or loved it, honestly. it was better than 2016 and 2017 combined, but that's not to say it was easy, because it wasn't.
in 2018, my mental health took a nosedive. i struggled with insecurity, shyness, anxiety, and depression. i would come home from school after zoning out all day and do nothing but sleep. my grades were terrible because of this, and my parents couldn't understand. with tears in my eyes i begged to be homeschooled. but alas, my parents refused it.
in 2018, i starred in over eight music videos. this helped to break me out of my shell, although i'm still shy about it. one of these videos, created by one of my best friends, has been nominated to win at a national level.
in 2018, i started and finished my first novel. while a lot of it won't ever see the light of day, i'm proud of it. that story will always have a special place in my heart, and those characters are special to me. after being bullied for it in the end of 2017, april 2018 brought my re-entry into the poetry world with a piece called "cats underwater." this piece was written over my hatred for the world i was living in and the fear i felt when my friend and i were traumatically injured. at seperate times, but nonetheless. cats reminded me i could write whatever i wanted, even if other people weren't gonna like it. it spawned multiple more poems, and from just 2018, i'm at over 22 poems alone.
i tried my first bowl of real ramen. i participated in writing workshops where i was the youngest person there by 45 years. i tried to break free of my comfort zone by everything that was involved. i made my write the world account under the username of 'muppet', a nod to my beloved childhood character, kermit. i loved the muppet movies growing up, too. watching those with my dad for sure influenced my love of humor and television to this day.
i was wheelchair bound. i watched a plethora of movies and decided i'm studying abroad in australia no matter what it takes. i became a filmmaker, and my parents are easing up on their strictness. i was lonely. i cried myself to sleep. i had dreams, good ones. i have a special place in my heart for those, too. i'll save that story for another day because it's so strange, but i was visited by a very charming spirit multiple times in 2018.
despite being bullied for my speech impedement, i volunteered to play shakespeare characters in my english class because of how badly i wanted to. i don't regret it at all, even though they saw me cry. no amount of teasing will change how i feel about literature. i felt longing. i experienced some form of love.
i was slow. i binge ate. i laughed and danced. in 2018, i became 100% sure of myself. i am what i am, a big greasy loser. and nobody can change that. that's what i want to be.
i got my first job. i've saved a lot of that money.
2018 was good to me, but it was cruel. i watched loads of movies, and two i really recommend are american beauty and jolene, for the literature and narration alone.
anywhomst, peace love and baby ducks. i wish you all well, happy new year! here's to a lot more muppet content in 2019, i can promise you that. <3 mupsy x