Peer Review by Ellie! (United States)

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Sonism #myfirstcontest

By: korra4life


FREE WRITING

there is nothing you can do
to be able to stop desiring
the millions of experiences
you will never get to have.

there is nothing you can do
to be able to stop wishing
that you meant something
to all those whom you pass.

there is nothing you can do
to stop the everlasting sorrow
you will feel when you realize

you are only another countless,
meaningless grain of sand.
 

I kind of combined 'Sonder' and 'Onism,' if you're wondering. 
Check out Dmoral13's contest here!

Peer Review

It's interesting because it takes the big-picture view: rather than focusing on the struggles of an individual person, it notes that we all have some like hardships, and among all those times we can be no more significant than the next person. That can be a difficult view to take on, and a very tough one to express in writing.


Alright, I looked up the definitions to 'Sonder' and 'Onism' to make sure I'd gotten them right. I think something it would do you good to try is experimenting along the lines of having the recognition, that our experiences are not only our own and often no more special than those of the next, that doesn't necessarily have to be a depressing revelation. In fact, it could be comforting to someone who has always seen themselves as the odd one out.


Reviewer Comments

This is a fascinating poem, but slightly more cynical than it needs to be. Maybe trying to write out a more peaceable side to this same epiphany would make a good piece as well.