Peer Review by The Bubbling Pen (Australia)

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The Girl in the Pink Jacket

By: Luna Lemon

The girl in the pink jacket passed at exactly 10:00 every morning, with her face slightly distorted by the fog tinted window. The day's newspaper is always in my hands by then, coffee just beginning to swirl around my teeth before I glance underneath scratched glasses to see a flash of sunset stained cloth. But one morning, she didn't come, and the days that followed grew cloudy with no sign of a sunset ever brushing against the cobbled streets.

Message to Readers

Feel free to write a review about anything you like or anything you'd like me to work on. Thanks!

Peer Review

I love how the reader can really feel what the narrator is feeling. The sense of loss as "the days that followed grew cloudy" is really heavy and the imagery further accentuates the loss of the girl.

I would want to know why the girl has become such a "landmark" or "highlight" of the narrator's day. Is it because she skips past the window and makes them feel a little bit happier or is it because she hums along, reminding them of a lost sister? Why is she important to the narrator and what to they miss most about her?

Reviewer Comments

Roses are red
Violets are blue
It seems like the girl
Is important to you :)

I loved your piece - sorry if my comments or highlighting seemed harsh :) I really enjoyed your piece and would love to see this piece extended with more details <3