Peer Review by Regan Strehl (United States of America)()

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Visible Light

By: Deej


PROMPT: Everyday Magic

Walking down the street you could almost see the different rays of visible light combining to make the vibrant red of the crinkled leaves hanging onto the trees by the tips of their stems. The holes they bore showing their gifts to the small insects that lay upon them, allowing small lives to be created. Those small insects, so vivid and yet so simple, may live shorter lives than us but when they die they die knowing they lived full lives. They know they did everything they could do to survive, only to be squished by the sole of your faded red sneaker. But they go in peace, knowing the children they brought into this world may live to be a beautiful red butterfly on display in a zoo, caged and yet still at peace. The children at the zoo, running around with red backpacks, carry their red balloons and watch as the crimson child of that bug you squished so long ago land on their red noses.

    Walking down the street you could almost see the different rays of visible light combining to make the vibrant red of the crinkled leaves hanging onto the trees by the tips of their stems. The tears in their brethren showing the true boredom of the small red-nosed children from the zoo with their red backpacks and red balloons as they walk from the parking lot to the butterfly room.

    Walking down the street you could almost see the different rays of visible light combining to make the vibrant red of the crinkled eyes hanging onto life by the tips of their iris'. The red marks they bore showing the endless battle they are left to face without as much as a simple hint of recognition from the red-nosed child in the butterfly room wearing the red backpack carrying the red balloon that currently resides with a red butterfly whose red-leaf-eating parent wash squished by the faded red sole of your sneaker.

    Walking down the street you could almost see the different rays of visible light combining to make the vibrant red of the soon-to-be-faded sneakers in the window of the store. You step inside to try them on, perfect fit. You go to put your faded red sneakers back on and see a squished red insect on the sole of your shoe. You pay for the shoes and run to the nearest red-lead tree you can find. You dig a hole and bury the squished insect so it may become part of the soil which will become part of the tree which will become part of the red leaves that the dearly departed's red-winged children may one day feast on, leaving holes, leading to tears, seen through crimson eyes with crimson scars.

Walking down the street you could almost see the different rays of visible light that make up the world around you. What color seems the most vibrant to you today?


Peer Review

I thought the last sentence of your fourth paragraph was pretty powerful.


It has a more reflective tone. The narrator is thinking about how bugs are always being killed by smaller kids but they are at piece with this.


Everything was red, and things were described in unique ways. I think it made this piece more confusing to understand.


Reviewer Comments

What does the color red symbolize? Symbolism is used in a more subtle manner in successful works of literature to help express the theme. You use it seven times in the first paragraph. That only makes me more confused (why is everything in this world red)?, rather than help me understand your theme more.
The same sentence is used to start the first two paragraphs. The two paragraphs following those mirror those first two, but with their own twists. Why are the first two exactly the same? Would it be better to make the second one different from the first?