Peer Review by lina13 (Australia)

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chinese restaurant

By: Onion3102


FREE WRITING

4 pm lunch at our favourite Chinese restaurant
perfectly content with the steaming bowl of rice
more dishes arrive, plated precise and neat 
on grandmother's lapis blue china.
It starts to pour outside
the wind now blowing blankets of droplets
threatening weak umbrellas-
the people like disorganised ants,
scurrying to shelter.

 

I love this aesthetic

Message to Readers

I don't know how to end this


Peer Review

Much like you noted, I also love the aesthetic that you presented in this poem. It was delightfully warm and comforting, and I could almost feel myself sitting in the Chinese restaurant as well!


(Just a note: all of these comments are my personal opinion only. As the writer, you have full creative control and you get to decide to what extent you integrate my feedback). To make this (already great) poem even better, could you perhaps add a little bit of sensory description? Not too much, because that would disrupt the wonderful minimalism of the piece, but just enough to suggest the scene - wisps of the scent of a particular dish, the leaking of banging and shouting from the busy kitchen when the door momentarily swings open to let a waiter out. For some inspiration as to how to do "bits" of description very well in order to create a mood, check out the poetry of T.S. Eliot (especially 'Preludes' or 'Rhapsody on a Windy Night.')


Reviewer Comments

Overall, I love this poem! I think you've captured a very small, specific moment, and made it very universal and meaningful for every reader. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading your future writing!