the good side by troye sivan, because i've got the good side of things. because i've been the one to cast aside relationships the way a prisoner would cast aside chains, not the one left picking up pieces of their heart. because i am sorry it was so much easier for me. because i've never broken up with someone for someone else, no matter how it may have looked.
damn by livvia, because one day, i won't be the one who escapes the breakup unscathed. one day, we will both be trainwrecks, hurting like hell. because i am enough of a trainwreck on my own, and it's unfair of me to keep making commitments i know i can't keep. because one day, those commitments will blow up in my face and we will both be the ones picking up pieces of our hearts.
she by dodie, because i cried so hard when i first heard this song. because it was a sign that it is okay to be a girl who loves girls. because it was comforting to listen to, to cry to, when i was younger and convinced i was in love with a girl who was convinced she was in love with a boy.
without me by halsey, because i once offer up my soul for it to be devoured without anything in return. because i tried to express infatuation through passivity and a willingness to do anything for her. because i idolized a beautiful girl who used me. because at first, i didn't mind being used as long as i still had her in my life.
100x by tegan and sara, because i once hurt that beautiful girl because being around her hurt me. because our friendship was toxic and destroyed me from the inside out, a poison i swallowed for the sole reason of pleasing her, but the way i ended it was cruel. because i tried to leave at least 100x a day but was too much of a coward until all my bottled up hurt took over.
she keeps me warm by mary lambert, because it's a celebration of sapphic relationships. because it's a love song i can sing along to, without having to change the lyrics so that they'll suit those i fall for. because it reminds me of all the girls i've admired. because it's an anthem to the beauty of women, and the appreciation of that beauty.
love story by taylor swift, because i remember listening to it when it first came out. because it brings nostalgia to the surface. because it's sweet and pure and romantic. because it's the kind of love story i've had, the forbidden kind, right up until the end where it fell apart for me but only grew stronger in the song.
mystery of love by sufjan stevens, because it's the song my ex-boyfriend labeled as ours. because it reminds me of the boy who i thought was my first girlfriend until he came out to me as trans, when he became my first boyfriend and later, my first kiss. because my feelings may be gone but the memories won't leave. because i can't listen to this song without thinking about him.
thank u, next by ariana grande, because each of my exes has taught me something. because neither of us was perfect, but how do you learn from the mistakes you never make? because i am thankful for their impact on my life. because with each of them, i shared and discovered a new part of me.
roman holiday by halsey, because every time i hear it i imagine exploring the world with a girl who i could fall for. because it symbolizes wanderlust and freedom and adventure. because it sparks a curiosity within me, a desire for the thrill entwined within the lyrics and rhythm.
stop desire by tegan and sara, because my body craves touch more than my heart craves love. because the idea of your fingers pressed against my skin is enthralling. because i know there is tension between us, i know you crave me sometimes, too. it's not something we can acknowledge yet, but i don't mind for now because there are other people whose lips seem just as soft.
electric love by børns, because it's always stuck in my head. because you truly are lightning in a bottle, sweet like candy in my veins. because i love your eyes and the shape of your hands. because i know we could never last, but when it comes to you, it's not about lasting, it's about living.