A wannabe awash in metaphors. Seventeen. Pianist, among other things. Eternal runner-up. Cat slave. Jellyfish enthusiast!

Lots of poetry with big pretty words because I am nothing if not extravagant

Message to Readers

here's the soundtrack of my life! every track holds a very special place in my little wannabe musician heart.

chemical reactions to physical vibrations: a mixtape

December 14, 2018

PROMPT: Mixtape

1) Up - Shania Twain
At two years old, this is all I danced to. It was a feel-good song, of course, but I didn't yet know what feeling anything else was like (except when I fell and sliced the soft surface of my tiny palms)
Admittedly, it has been a year or so since I listened to it. I might cry the next time, but I'll still dance.

2) No Place Like Home - Marianas Trench
Nothing says all over the place like this song, yet nothing feels more like home than something played in my dad's car over and over and over again as it sang of everything my younger self was so desperately trying to find. You always disliked it; it was one of few things I found enough independence in me to argue.

3) Because - the Beatles
My grandfather bounced me on his knee to yellow submarine before I knew what music was. He likes to think he is responsible for ingraining music into my blood. The wind is not high today, but his spirit never fails to blow my mind.

4) Teen Idle - Marina and the Diamonds
Before I was even a teenager I belted the words. Now I'm sixteen and burning up bibles, but not for the reasons I thought I would, and only occasionally while listening to Electra Heart... but always while thinking of you.

5) Wetsuit - The Vaccines
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we mark the beginning of a low era with a nostalgic song. If only she knew how okay she was before. Distant, but okay. And her hair was long.

6) Someone New - Hozier
I wrote a piece  -  on this platform, actually  -  called falling in love with strangers. Masking my heart with a naive apathy doesn't change that I'm a hopeless romantic underneath. Plus, the instrumentation is cute and Hozier is everything I want to be as a musician. My fingers itch to play heartstrings the way something like Cherry Wine can.

7) Estampes, L.100 (I. Pagodes) - Claude Debussy
Ten years I have been in love with those echoing keys. I want to wake up to Pagodes late on a rainy morning at 19, tangled in the skin of a university lover. I want to learn each and every work by each and every composer so I can begin to understand how Beethoven felt when the vibrations rippled through him by way of his floor. I wonder how many times he cried at the beauty of it.

8) If I Believe You - the 1975
Welcome to the long-awaited screaming entrance of agnosticism. I like to think my cynical tendencies don't quite reach the levels of a 29-year-old atheistic alternative singer's, but this track helps with acceptance of a lack of real beliefs. Also a good soundtrack for a nice long makeout session.

9) Spaceman - The Killers
It is a nice feeling to know other people are capable of feeling so small yet so celestial. In concert, the chords rang through my buzzing cosmic heart, and the noise did not fade until I slept at three in the morning.

10) Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
Though I cannot remember a time when my parents genuinely loved each other, there is a faint memory somewhere of them dancing to old classics with me. Maybe it was a dream; in any case, this song let me love my eye colour as a child who so desperately wished they were green. Now I spend an embarrassing amount of time hoping someone will sing it about me someday. I told you this once, but we were both lying in the dark.

11) Take Me Somewhere Nice - Mogwai
My favourite Mogwai song is actually Thank You Space Expert, but this was the first as it is for most others. What can I say besides it is melancholy and lovely and takes me somewhere nice.

12) Optimistic - Radiohead
Most songs with uplifting messages only make me feel like more of a failure. This one's an exception, and will blare through my speakers until I go deaf. It will be a while before I truly dig through the chords and find out why I tend to believe the lyrics in only this song, but for now I walk away with its most important mantra. I might be among the little ones, but the big fish can't eat my mind anymore. And today, the best I can do is good enough.



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  • December 14, 2018 - 9:08am (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • engi_aek

    If I Believe You is one of my favourites by them! Oh man I love it, a real cry track too. A lot of space for thinking in there....
    I'll have to check out a lot of your other songs!

    over 1 year ago