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Message to Readers
i'll get back to working on chap 5 of ace of spades soon for now y'all gotta deal with my dbh shenanigans
It was incredibly 'drawing in'. Sometimes it's hard to build up the suspense, but you did it very well! With the count-down you have in the last half, it gets more intense, like a boulder rolling downhill, it picked up more speed as you went. Then the ending ... kick to the gut. In a way I'm sad, but I'm also glad that Connor knew that someone cared about him. Even though they couldn't save him, they tried, they wanted to, and that counts for something.
I'd love to know more about Connor, and how he got hurt. I love how you begin the piece: with a terrific starter sentence that catch's the reader's eye.
Really well-written! I haven't read this kind of fast-moving story for awhile, so very good!