Peer Review by lina13 (Australia)

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Lost Love

By: Ashleigh2403


FREE WRITING

Violet sat on a wooden bench in the maze of roses at the park, observing a rabbit munching on leaves. When she glanced up, she saw a dog walker whistling along the path beside the roses. How could the world still be going on after what happened? How could anyone be cheerful after that frightful night? As Violet thought of that night a few tears ran down her cheek. The night that Ernest had died.
He had been Ill for months and the doctors had told her he would probably die that night. Those words had felt like a blow. She had rushed into his room and clasped his hand. Tears welled up in her eyes as she gazed into his gaunt face, the stamp of illness showing all he had been through the past few months. Ernest looked into her eyes and smiled reassuringly.
He was only with her a few more hours.
Before he died he told her not to worry. He would see her again. 
And then her world shattered. Irreparably broken. 
The one man she had ever loved, her lifelong friend, was gone. 
She remembered the way his hand felt in hers, the way she felt secure enveloped in his arms, the way his lips- No!
Violet broke off with a start. The couldn't afford to think that way. It had already been a few months since he had left her. She would still find herself succumbing to her grief. 
Somedays it felt  like there would never be a ray of sunshine again...
"Mama! Mama! Look at what I found!"
My daughter ran to me carrying a curved rose.
Things will never be the way they were, old wounds would still hurt. But maybe, just maybe, things weren't so gray after all. I will always have Ernest through our daughter.


Peer Review

This was a really great piece that investigated the deep sorrow of someone who has lost a loved one. However, it ended on a really uplifting sense of hope that finalised the piece on a very mature note!


I'd love to know more about Violet herself, as well as what her life with Ernest was like. That way, the reader can have more of an appreciation for why, exactly, his death was so painful for Violet.


Reviewer Comments

Congratulations on writing a really unique and effective story that deals with multiple layers of emotions! It's always very challenging to write about loss, because it's a raw emotion that's difficult to transfer onto the page. If you wanted some more inspiration writing about loss and grief etc. Bridge To Terabithia is a really good example of an ageless, timeless text that deals with death in a very emotional, yet effective way. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your future work!