Lee Fudge

United States


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The Unchivalrous Knights

December 12, 2018


Katherine didn't expect the house to look the way it did. It had a door, multiple windows, was only one story, and the roof was basically collapsing on itself. She didn't expect the so called 'Greatest Swordsman in the Kingdom' to live in a house like that.

Her companion, Isaac, stared at the house as well. He had been excited to meet the swordsman the entire two weeks they had travelled, and Katherine wondered if Isaac was disappointed.

"Modest," Isaac said in wonder. 

"Modest?" Katherine asked, "That house looks like a giant safety hazard!"

"No, not the house!" Isaac yelled, "The swordsman, Leonard!"

"How's he modest?" Katherine asked. She expected many fanboy outbursts from Isaac, but she expected they would start when they actually met the man.

"The house is falling apart, showing that he is a common man, just like us!" 

Katherine sighed. Isaac was probably going to be passed out by the time they actually met Leonard. Katherine gave him ten minutes, at most.

Isaac ran up to the door, and knocked. There was no answer. Katherine knocked, more forcefully than Isaac.

"Keep your hair on, I'm coming!" A voice yelled from the inside.

That surprised both of them. Did Leonard really say that? What kind of knight was he for saying that?

The door opened. The man that opened had brown pants, the kind blacksmiths usually wore. He had no shoes on, or socks, showing the man's small feet. He wore a rather plain green shirt, with sleeves that almost covered his hands. His brown hair was wild, sticking out in every direction possible. His eyes were grey, and his nose was small.

The man studied Katherine and Isaac. "Who are you two?" He asked.

Isaac was so busy fanboying inside that Katherine answered, "My name is Katherine Malden, and this is-"

"Isaac Gilligan, sir!" Isaac interrupted, pushing Katherine away in the process.

Katherine dusted herself off. "We're looked for the Great Swordsman, Leonard," She said.

"That's me!" Leonard said, "What do you need?"

So this was Leonard. Isaac looked woozy. Maybe ten minutes was too much.

"A great threat has come to our kingdom of Laurent," Katherine said, "We need you to help stop, so peace can be restored."

"No thanks," Leonard said.

"If you'll just..." Katherine processed what Leonard just said. Isaac did too, because he seemed snap back to reality with those to words.

"I'm sorry," Katherine said, "Did you say no thanks?"

"Yep," Leonard said, "I don't do the whole 'hero" thing anymore."

Isaac seemed like he was going to cry. "B-but," He stuttered, "You and your group were the greatest heroes of all time! Where are they anyway?"

"Oh, we disbanded," Leonard said, making Isaac hurt even more, "We just don't have a reason to do what we did anymore."

"Please, Sir Leonard," Katherine said, "If you don't do it the kingdom will be destroyed.

Leonard stroked his chin. "I might be willing to help, if you give me one thing." He said.

Isaac perked back up. "Name it, sir, and we shall do our best to get it for you!" He yelled.   

"Money," Leonard said, "i want money."

Katherine was appalled. "You will only fight for money?!" She yelled, wanting to punch Leonard, "What kind of knight are you?!"

"Nothing's free, kid," Leonard shrugged, "Plus, I'm only a knight in title. So, I'm not a knight in the sense you're thinking of."

"Still," Katherine said through gritted teeth, "You have to follow the laws of chivalry!"

"Uh, Katherine," Isaac tapped her on the shoulder, "Maybe we shouldn't piss of the guy that could literally kill you with zero effort?"

"Yeah," Leonard said, "Why don't you leave, clear your head, and come back refreshed?"

"Fine," Katherine muttered, "Let's go Isaac." 

The two walked along the path. 

"You can't go getting angry like that," Isaac said, "I don't want the boss to show his wrath if we screw this up." 

"Oh, sure leave it to you to criticize my every action," Katherine muttered.

Suddenly, something huge wrapped around the two. After coiling around them a few times, it showed it's head. It seemed a giant snake had gotten the better of them.

It laughed. "Oh, you made this so easy!" The snake yelled, apparently being able to talk, "Can't I get a little challenge?"

"When we get out of this-" Katherine began, but the snake squeezed the two.

"And how are you going to do that?"  It mocked, "It's funny really, I've actually been stalking you for days! With your constant arguing, I had so many opportunities to strike! But, no, I'm an honorable snake, so I waited for you to notice me. And I got so hungry! So said, forget honor, I'll just eat you now!"

It laughed some more, and both Katherine and Isaac's eyes began to close. Then, then heard a slicing noise, and the squeezing stopped.

After catching their breath, they saw that snakes had been cut clean off, the head itself being a good distance away, still showing a shocked expression. They also Leonard, with a sword drawn out.

"Man," Leonard said, "I knew something was going to happen. When a person leaves when I tell them no to a job, they always get attacked."

"So, do you feel it?" Katherine asked, "The thrill of saving someone?"

"I know where you're going with this," Leonard said, "Everyone says that. My answer's still no."

"Dang it," Isaac said, "Who's going to defeat Argos now?"

Leonard faced became shocked.

"A-argos?" He said, "That's the threat you were talking about?"

"Uh, yeah?" Isaac said, "He got resurrected some time ago."

Leonard slapped Isaac.

"Why didn't you say that earlier!? Leonard yelled, than started pacing, "Ah, geez, if he's back, then I'll have to get the gan back together, and they might be enjoying their retirement..."

He stopped. "That doesn't matter<" He said, "I have to tell them..."

Leonard looked at Isaac and Katherine. 

"I'll do it," He said, "I'll help beat Argos."

Sorry for this long mess.

Side note, Katherine and Isaac could have beaten the snake in a regular fight.

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  • rainandsonder

    paperbird recommended this series to me and boy am i glad they did! this was really amusing and enjoyable to read. i love how leonard just goes “no”. i would type a longer comment, but i want to read the rest, so i’ll review it later! fantastic work!

    about 2 years ago
  • Lee Fudge

    Isaac's soul purpose is to fan boy.

    about 2 years ago
  • paperbird

    oh my god i love this!! i can't believe no one else has discovered this series; it's golden. isaac's character literally made me laugh out loud. you had a few typos, but the writing flowed really well. i'm going to read the next part right away. keep it up!!

    about 2 years ago