Peer Review by paperbird (United States)

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flats, naturals and sharps

By: Onion3102


FREE WRITING

flats, naturals and sharps.
her fingers dance gracefully across the board
the scale her worn out bible
teasing minors and messing with majors
her smooth transitions imitating only the best
landing perfect and nimble in key.




 

 


Message to Readers

why do people make playing piano look so easy?


Peer Review

I liked your imagery and descriptions, particularly "the scale her worn out bible" and "teasing minors." Your interesting language choice and the way you break up your lines is an excellent imitation of what music is like. I also really like the simplicity. You don't go on and on, but somehow you portray exactly the right kind of message in those words. Very well done.


A few words sounded a bit awkward, and I pointed to those in the highlighted section. I also think that your poem could benefit from adjectives and verbs that create personification. The words "dance" and "tease" are good examples of this; you make the relationship between her fingers and the piano something mutual, like they're living beings. Because the poem is so simple, these types of descriptions are key. Scatter a few more adjectives, verbs, and nouns that use this kind of personification. The poem will read better that way.


Reviewer Comments

This is simple, but it's very beautiful. You mix your words so that they follow the dynamic of the two objects that you wouldn't ordinarily think about. Great flow and rhythm. Keep writing!