Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Wow! What an unusual and delightful piece! Firstly, congratulations on tackling the challenging subject of social anxiety!!! I myself have a lengthy experience with social anxiety, and it's only recently that I've been able to recover from it, so I'd like to say that social anxiety is, in no way, something to be ashamed of, or something that can never be improved. You did a wonderful job of expressing the experience of social anxiety here through an unexpected yet effective extended metaphor.
(I'd like to make a disclaimer, and say that this is all my opinion as a reviewer only. As the writer, you have ultimate creative control over your piece, and you get to decide to what extent to listen to my feedback). To make this piece even better, perhaps consider exploring your emotions a little more - the current extended metaphor and description is a great projection onto the external, but some more explicit exploration of the internal could be effective, too.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece! It was well-written with a unique concept, and I'd encourage you to keep writing!