I happened to notice that I like the activity of writing, so every now and then, I find myself here.

Thoughts while playing color switch

March 8, 2016


I remember being a kid, naive as children are, thinking my parents will remain together. There's no way it would happen to me too, it only happens to others. And now, here we are, me not talking to my father for years now, thinking how unreal it seemed back then. This might be a part of the reasons I don't believe in eternal love. 
The way I see this world, there's no such thing as loving someone for a lifetime and marriage based on actual love is imbalanced and hopeless. Because love itself is so fragile, it comes and goes, and lust is getting harder and harder to achieve throughout the time, while temptation comes with it's sweetness and you need to but eventually can't resist. I don't want that. I don't want to age with someone witnessing as our once burning love and desire grows colder with each day, both of us pretending that there's still something left to save. If I ever meet love, that I believe is real, I want us to die young at the top of our lives, just before things would become worse, so we'll close our eyes thinking how full it was, still aching to touch one another one last time. That's the only way I know to make it last, maybe because I'm way too selfish to live with someone I don't long to wake up next to anymore, or to try and fix something I want to throw away, even if it's for a cause as big and beautiful as keeping a family together. 
That's why we should've created the society that is based on who we are and not on who we want to be, causing unsatisfied and unhappy people losing their way wanting to be someone else. We should've met people with all skin tones and nationalities on the first place so all of us would know that someone just borns with that skin tone and someone with another and wouldn't let it become a gate between us. And we should've create circumstances where gay people couldn't have had a second thought about undertaking who they love, and we would know that some of us likes boys and some of us likes girls regardless of genders. We should've not create a life that includes marriage as a fulfillment of love and let it become a standard and we should't have create a certain type of love and call it ideal. We should've accept that in most cases love is just something that flows through us, freely, each time with a different speed and features instead of claiming that the moral thing to do is to be obsessed about taming something way too restless to ever obey. And all those rare ones who experience love that doesn't pass should be as equally accepted and honored as the ones who don't and it should be a way of living, not a requirement nor a goal. We should've raised our kids that way so they wouldn't feel like they live in a torn apart family after divorces or believe that the marriege that ended is a failiure.
But now thinking about it, I start to question my own self. 
What would we do if we wouldn't have so many imperfections to fight against?  
Would that make us satisfied? 
What would all those awfully beautiful stories about, if not the pain of a once passionate and fresh love ending, or the feeling of betrayal after losing someone who used to mean so much?

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