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rainandsonder

United States

currently reading "the goldfinch" and trying to learn spanish. if you like what i write, please leave a comment!

Message from Writer

"i wish the world was flat like the old days/then i could travel just by folding a map," - death cab for cutie

lowercase is intentional.

Stay Awake, or Writing a Poem About Not Sleeping at 3AM, Which Contributes to the Problem I Suppose

December 17, 2018

FREE WRITING

19
Smoke-wreathed mornings and
black-ichor nights:
bags like sideways moons
under your eyes
and the feeling of drowning
in your own blood.
Watch the walls
until they swim with
the breath of the sleepless
and a thousand thoughts
like tally marks.
Stuffy nights and
freezing days,
a heartbeat under the bed,
a heartbeat scared that if
it slows it might stop---
if your heart drums through
the night and no one's around to hear it,
what's to say it's not there?
The shapes behind your eyelids
give you bad dreams
so best to stay awake tonight.
Smoke-wreathed thoughts
and black ichor heart.
I'm honestly kinda proud of this but I'm afraid it's too pretentious. Thoughts?

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6 Comments
  • spearmint

    This was just so cool!! I am so writing a review!


    8 months ago
  • nezi_nes

    I especially love the lines "Watch the walls until they swim with the breath of the sleepless". It's original and vivid. Overall, very poetic and flows well.


    10 months ago
  • paperbird

    this is really, really good—possibly the best poem i’ve read of yours. your rhythms are amazing and your descriptions are masterful; i particularly like the first few lines—“smoked-wreathed mornings and black-ichor nights” and the repetition at the end. truly beautiful.


    10 months ago
  • NightReader

    This is my life as a poem


    10 months ago
  • AbigailSauble

    No, this is beautiful and descriptive! =)


    10 months ago
  • omicron7889

    Pretentious? Absolutely not. Enthralling, captivating and semi-hypnotic? Yes. Definitely yes.


    10 months ago