I’m sorry, but unfortunately, you are terribly wrong. You see, there is so much to live for. There is still so much innocent beauty in this world. There is so much good left.
Even when everything seems dark, and broken, and your sadness drips down your broken collarbone into the place you thought you heart was… even when the pain of living consumes you, even when you feel the world is permanently lost to corrupt thought, there is still sacred laughter and joy.
There is old, classic Queen songs that sound the way summer feels: golden and good, safe and full. Songs that taste like honey and smell like sage, that fill your lungs with their memorial life until you’re singing, really singing, and you don’t care if your friends hear you. Lyrics that your dad played over and over again when you were younger (and you’re glad he did, since now you can sing along to them with your friends in the car.)
There are still high school football games when your best player makes a breakaway towards the end zone, and suddenly you’re on your feet cheering with everyone around you, since this will be the first win of the season. There’s still the sound of everyone at the game singing along to the music playing over the loudspeakers at halftime, because everyone speaks the language of 70s rock songs. Your friend is at the game, and he smiles at you (he really does care!) There is racing your friends up the bleachers after the game is over, and going to eat out (and not caring how unhealthy the food is.)
There will always be a day that you title your journal entry, “today was good.” And then you never finish the entry, because so much happened that you can’t even write it down before you get too tired and drift into sleep. And in the morning, the sun will still rise. The happiness you feel when your favorite song comes on the radio on the way to school is unmatched. There will be a day that your mind will be alright, and the work in school won’t be fogged in front of you anymore. There will always be days that your teacher plays Christmas music in class, and your heart swells so full of love for where you are, that you can’t even speak.
You’ll get invited to go places with your friends, even if you need to wait for that. There will always be final bows at the end of the school plays, when you clap until your hands hurt, when you turn to your friend beside you and say, “I know them!” There will always be walks in the rain, there will always be new music, there will always be those moments that you know you’ll never forget. There will always be hugs that make the world world go away, and smiles that you did not expect. You’ll always be able to dance around your room when you get good news, and feel the weight lift off your chest when you finally explain to someone why you are the way you are. There shall always be quiet moments at the end of loud days, when your record players spins until you fall asleep, and you’re finally not afraid of the dark.
Life is not corrupted by lust and mindless love. Pain and fear is never permanent. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Time heals most things, and your hard work is not in vain. I know it’s hard right now, but in the future you will find more happiness than you ever thought you could. You’re still struggling through it, but it’s easier. It’s better. And who knows- it may be gone tomorrow. Stay strong, okay? There is so much love and beauty and happiness and safety that is not what the world tells you it is. Stay strong in what you believe, and you’ll be alright. Keep your head up. Stick to what you’ve said. Don’t give in. You’ve got this.
It gets a whole lot better down the road.
A letter that I wrote to myself. It's been a tough year for me, and this is a letter of everything that I needed to hear at the beginning. And, if this letter pertains to you, I've written it for you as well. It really does get better... I promise.