Livelovecats

United States

* 15 years old *
* Human *
* Cat lover *
* Writer *
* Reader *

" We don't meet people by accident. Everyone is meant to cross our paths for a reason."

Have you crossed paths with me? It must be fate!!

Not Everyone's Favorite Month

December 4, 2018

December no longer has the same place that it used to in my heart. Now it is just a time to remember what I once had, all the fun times there used to be. Now it just makes the big gap that my father left larger, and harder to fill. If only I could go back a couple of years, to when my father had helped me drag the Christmas tree into the living room, and I would help him put it up while my sisters danced and my mother made us hot cocoa.

If only I could go back to the time when Christmas had a greater meaning in my heart, one that I didn't know would leave me. But now all I see is the glow of lights from outside, where my fellow neighbors ran around caroling and spreading joy. I don't join them like I used to. 

I know that my sisters would be disappointed that there wouldn't be a tree, again, and also that there would be fewer presents for Christmas. My mother couldn't afford much, and I had learned that not asking for too much was important. Instead I just helped her with extra things, like picking up groceries on the walk home from school. Whenever I stopped by the grocery store I would see all of the decorations and Christmas themed items and turn away.

The holidays just left me feeling sad, broken, empty most of the time. But I have had my family to help me through it and I am forever grateful for that. This year though I decided that it was time for a change, even if it was a small one. So when I stopped at the grocery store yesterday and picked up a poinsettia and a cheap string of silver lights that I paid for with my own money. When I got home I found a small table and put the poinsettia on it, bringing them both into the living room. I put them underneath a window. By the time my sisters got home I had hung the lights over that window as well so that the neighbors could see them and so that our small apartment looked a little brighter. It helped the tear in my heart get a little smaller. Not much, but a little. 

Today I went to our junk closet, which used to be the Christmas closet before my dad left. I pulled out some lights and walked outside into the hallway of my apartment building. The door across from mine was covered in decorations and had a small tree next to it. I turned back to mine, just plain wood.

Soon the door was glowing with holiday joy and I couldn't help but smile as a little bit of the Christmas spirit came back into me. Maybe it wasn't all lost after all.

When my sisters got home they commented on the door and smiled, and one of them asked if they could help decorate the rest of the house. I wasn't planning on doing that and was surprised but she ran right to the closet and pulled out more lights as well as some garland. By the time my mom had gotten home she just stared wide-eyed at the lights that lit up the rooms of our small apartment, the garland sitting on the counter, and all the paper snowflakes we had made hanging from the ceiling attached to strings.

She just set down her purse and ran to hug us, and we all smiled and laughed. My sisters danced around the room and my mom offered to make us hot cocoa. An hour ago I called my father and told him about my day. I hadn't talked to him in weeks since my mother discouraged it but I told him about how he had left a gap in our Christmas. I hadn't told many people about this and to say it to him felt weird. He apologized and I forgave him.

I'm not sure what Christmas will bring, but I hope that it will be a bit more cheery than the ones that have passed since my father left. Christmas would never be the same without him, but maybe, just maybe, I would be able to make it a bit better for my family. My mother and sisters deserved that much. I deserved that much. I will try my best to make this Christmas a memorable one.

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  • December 4, 2018 - 1:00pm (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • AbigailSauble

    I like this, well-written! :)


    almost 3 years ago
  • Riley Noel

    I started tearing up as I read this. Not because it was a sad moment, which it was, but also because I can understand exactly what you are going through. Several months ago my father walked out our door and said he wasn't coming back. I have had to take over as the other caretaker for my family. I pay half the bills and buy groceries as well as running my own Race Horse business which is how we survive. You never really realize how many things people do in your life until their gone. I just want you to know I understand!


    almost 3 years ago