Peer Review by A Breath Into Silence (United States of America)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

a flickering new lightbulb

By: Kenny

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

There is an idea forming. 

You're scrawling messy diagrams into your Biology notebook, and you stop for a fleeting second. 
Something has dropped into your head, snuggled into its slippery folds. And from it stretches the golden path of a story that could change the world. 

Metaphors wind their way across, dialogues hide in the creases of your throat, screaming to be spoken out loud. Will they sound as good in the character's voice as they do bouncing around the inside of your skull? 
The rest of the day sees you in a daze, smiling brightly at anyone catching your eye. Even your bitter History teacher can't get you down today. Today, you have an idea. 

You hurry home, throw your backpack to the side. There's no time to waste. 

The white expanse of MS Word stretches out before you, a scroll of destiny. Your fingers hover over the keyboard. Where do you start? 

You try typing out a sentence, and quickly delete it. That's not right. Let's try another one, shall we? But that's not right either. 

You try on everything for size, flowery prose, short lines, an expletive. Maybe you should try the weather? No, no, it hangs off your shoulders. Nothing fits the enormity of what's to come. 

Okay, you think, I'll just start with the action. That's what they say. Start from the middle if you don't know where to begin. 

You start typing. Again, it's wrong. It doesn't flow as beautifully as the epic song you have constructed in your head. The sentences that shone like beacons in the depth of your mind become stilted and uneven, unbearably dull and underwhelming in Calibri size 12. 


Should you make the full outline of the story and then start? Or should you just go with the flow? Should it be in first person, present tense? Or should you ignore that altogether and write in third person? 

The crushing weight of failure squeezes a single tear from your eyes. It burns its way down your cheek and you close your eyes in defeat. This story, this wonderful, wonderful story, is diminished by words. Your fingers can't begin to replicate what was created in your mind. Your skill isn't good enough. You aren't good enough. 

The story fades away, an ideal too far away to touch.

And then, it's like it never existed at all. 

Message to Readers

lol I made this like a year ago, but it seemed to fit the prompt so.. *shrugs*

Peer Review

The way that it is written in such a nostalgic I've-been-here-before voice. The details that cement it in your mind.

Sorrowful, regretful, beautiful.

They deepen the emotional impact of the piece fantastically!

Reviewer Comments

I feel that this is how far too many stories end up: abandoned or the one abandoning. Something that affects me very personally.

Keep going! You're a great writer!