Peer Review by lina13 (Australia)

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Moonlight #believe

By: Quille


FREE WRITING

"The moon is made of cheese!" I shouted at the mocking face that gaped at me. My own brother. He didn't believe me.

"Then what are the stars?" asked Billy, his face twisted with confusion.

"Salt. You need salt to make cheese." 

"Who makes the cheese?" Billy persisted, but I didn't care. I knew I was right.

"The fairies. They have to remake the moon every month after the night rat eats it away. They take salt from the stars and milk from the Milky Way to make it."

"Where do they get the rennet?" Billy sneered.

"They don't need it." What was rennet?

"You need rennet to make cheese. If your fairies don't know what rennet is, that proves the moon isn't made of cheese."

"It is too! They don't need it. You're just making it up!" I felt like crying, but my face was too hot. "The moon is made of cheese! I've seen the rat who eats it, he's the same one who lives under the porch. Why don't you believe me?" 

Mother rushed into the room.

"Billy, leave him alone, can't you see he's delirious?" She said.

"I am not. The fairies make the moon with cheese. Star salt makes it shine."

"Of course, dear, now go to sleep."

"Do you really believe me? That the moon is made of cheese? And a giant rat eats it all gone so that the fairies have to make more?"

"Yes, dear. Go to sleep. Your cheese-moon's coming now."

For korra4life 's Contest Número 1 :DD

Message to Readers

So, does that help as a why?
@korra4life, thank you for having this contest; awesome prompt :DD
Everybody else, please check it out with the link I have provided in the footnote. Check out some other pieces by korra4life too.
They're definitely worth a read :DD
Thanks and God Bless :D


Peer Review

I loved how this piece depicted childlike innocence, imagination and wonder - and the indignation of a child when challenged! It gave a very unique and enjoyable perspective.


(Just a disclaimer: all of this is just my personal opinion as a reviewer. As the writer, you have full creative control over your piece, and it's up to you to what extent you implement my feedback) To make this piece even better, maybe you could give more backstory in terms of how the narrator created this imaginative story about the moon - what inspired it? How did he come to make all of these connections about cheese, fairies and the rat? What else has he imagined origin stories for?


Reviewer Comments

Congratulations on writing a super unique, fun piece! Especially well done on writing a story that's almost entirely dialogue - it's one of the hardest things to do in writing, and you did it masterfully! Capturing a child's voice would have been extremely hard, but I think you do it to much success. I can't wait to read your writing in the future!