Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
So, does that help as a why?
@korra4life, thank you for having this contest; awesome prompt :DD
Everybody else, please check it out with the link I have provided in the footnote. Check out some other pieces by korra4life too.
They're definitely worth a read :DD
Thanks and God Bless :D
I loved how this piece depicted childlike innocence, imagination and wonder - and the indignation of a child when challenged! It gave a very unique and enjoyable perspective.
(Just a disclaimer: all of this is just my personal opinion as a reviewer. As the writer, you have full creative control over your piece, and it's up to you to what extent you implement my feedback) To make this piece even better, maybe you could give more backstory in terms of how the narrator created this imaginative story about the moon - what inspired it? How did he come to make all of these connections about cheese, fairies and the rat? What else has he imagined origin stories for?
Congratulations on writing a super unique, fun piece! Especially well done on writing a story that's almost entirely dialogue - it's one of the hardest things to do in writing, and you did it masterfully! Capturing a child's voice would have been extremely hard, but I think you do it to much success. I can't wait to read your writing in the future!