(guy fieri enters, shirt and pants adorned with flames. his eyes sweep the area, and he visibly relaxes upon realizing that he is alone)
Guy Fieri: Seven thousand years, I have watched the world spin. Every rotation seems slower than the last- I am chained to Time, and she is a mistress more sadistic than Death herself. Acclaim, wealth, notoriety- all of these I have gained and lost over lifetimes, and they seem hollow goals, after all. Forced to watch the flawed creatures that inhabit my planet, I can be a lone bystander no longer. Sun above, you have watched, as I have, as they falter, and you have done nothing. Let it not be said that I stood by as they fell- I intend to assist them. By my guidance, they shall come to Flavortown. Though surely there are better guardians, more suited to the task, I see none but myself taking the role. Cowards! Moon and stars, watch me as you have watched them, void of sympathy, void of action!