December has always been the anticipation of snow, sitting up after watching the Late Late Toy Show, eyes glued to the window. December is watching the deepened, midnight sky and instead of being gifted with fluffy, white flakes, the world is cursed with heavy rain. And that's how my December starts - every single year.
My December starts with the inconceivable feeling of being old. Irrespective of the fact that I'm not at all yet nearing my golden years, my mind can't help but realise that yet another year has gone by, and I am but a year older. And yet, despite this revelation, I still force myself to stand up, to put on the same mask of indifferent joy that I wear every other day, and walk outside of the safety of my home.
I suppose December should be different, but my December starts the same way, every single year. My small village is bathed in cold, the type of cold that bites at the tips of my ears and licks my fingers for companionship. It is a quaint place, where I live. The streets wind around each other in ways that any tourist would be sure to get lost in, and little nooks and crannies are shoved into unforeseen places. At times it seems as though they hold tiny pockets of the universe - all ready for my consumption.
My December starts with me, me and my wild hair that I never can seem to tame. Me with my coat that is more than a little bit torn, but money doesn't grow on trees, and so I manage. Me with my hands frozen around two items, painfully hoping beyond hope that nobody drives past and asks what I'm doing with a packet of cards and a lighter, at God only knows what time of the morning. Me, who steps into one such pocket of the universe and emerges into a whole new world.
And December reminds me of the fact that I have not changed a bit. My resolutions have long since been tossed aside to make way for irrational decisions and broken promises. My personality still bogged down by negativity trained into me from a young age. Your December might be different, but my December starts the same way, every single year.
With friends - beautiful, shining, radiant beings that wrap their arms around me once I step into the clearing. Their faces red with excitement and the frosty sting of the Christmas season. Their hands full of confectionary and entertainment, their hearts bursting with pure, unadulterated joy. The better pieces of my life, they are everything that I could have wished for.
My December, more often than not, starts with a bonfire. I've missed my chance at flames and fun during the Hallowe'en weekend, waiting for the day that always seems like it may not come. But, one way or another, December does start, whether or not it is the same way, every single year. The fire warms me externally, chasing away the cold like an eager dog, barking its tune with wood and flickering pale, orange light across reverent faces.
But internally, I come alive. This is where I belong. Sitting beside somebody that is so much more than a friend. Pressing shivering fingers into a palm that closes around mine, catching shaky glances at smothering blue eyes. Smiles are exchanged, and the hopes for a kiss - finally! - rise in between the smoke around us. And then I look away, heart hammering, and let myself fall deep into conversation with the other two that sit across from us.
Don't be frustrated - this is how my December always starts - with hopes for a new courage.
My December starts with hopes, full stop. And the realisation that, no matter what the downfalls and pot holes in myself might be, there is always tomorrow. And then next year. My December might change one day.
One December, my lips might meet another's. Or perhaps there will be no bonfire, and instead the warmly lit insides of the best date-night spot in town might toast my toes. Whatever happens, for now, this is my December.
This is how my December starts. Every single year.
Hey :D Thanks for reading this, if you read through all of it. I really hope you liked it, please comment one thing you liked, if you did like it. Don't forget to lick the star <3 Happy December!