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Message to Readers
Chapter 1 guys. I will update on the same document, so I'll just republish it with the previous chapters every time! Hope you enjoy.
The premise of a once-dead brother suddenly being alive again is quite shocking and intriguing from both the persepctive of the protagonist and the reader, and the cliffhanger itself is quite enticing in wanting to find out more.
Since this is obviously split into parts, I'm guessing that more details will be included later, but if not then covered, I think details of the following would be quite important: -Details of how Rex's attempted murder and how he got away -Their subsequent journey to find their mom -The aftermath of Regina trying to deal with Rex's death (Note: I think that regardless of whether they are done as flashbacks, or as just inserted into conversation, that there should be some more background into these main characters at some point. I think it's important to figure out their motivations for what they're doing. ) I also feel that additional description of Regina's: elation at finding her brother again, shame at putting her brother through what he has been, and anger from the injustice that has been done to her brother. I think that more emotional description could lead to some more in-depth character development.
Just as an aesthetic detail, maybe try to add lines between each paragraphs. I think that it makes it look less like a block of text and easier to read.