Peer Review by Zixdude (United States of America)()

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Weak

By: Uma Bhat


FREE WRITING

There's tumult on the street
Be careful not to be beat 
By the rowdy neighbors 
Your home is with the rest of the laborers 

While vehement pandemoniums surround the houses
Make sure to protect the satin blouses
Hand them in without a speck 
Or the snobby daughters will lament 

Altruistic friends welcome you home
The rest of your family are no more
But it's all okay, close your eyes to sleep 
Only the weak have time to weep 


Peer Review

I love the rhyming, and I love how much meaning you conveyed in this short narrative. The 2nd-person POV is a nice-touch, too!


What do lines 6-8 have to do with the rest of the narrative? What sort of pandemoniums surround the house? What crime? Some imagery about it would be amazing!


Reviewer Comments

This poem makes me imagine a tailor (because of the "blouses") who lives in a dystopia. Why a tailor, though?

There has to be a more relevant title. "Weak" might describe the final line, but is that line meant to have so much emphasis? It doesn't seem like the entire poem hinges on that one line.

For example "Nightmare" might be a better descriptive title. It refers to the crisis AND the sleeping. It's just an example, though.