Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I have no idea. I feel like this entire story was surprising, left and right. If I had to choose, it would be "If only there was some way to overcome this torture of a game- death seemed the only answer, as you were bound to play the game for the rest of your lives." This surprised me because I didn't realize this was something that could kill the players. As I started reading, I assumed that this was a voluntary game that you could, probably, leave whenever you wanted to. Or you could leave if you win. But, this line reveals that there's no way to actually win the game; you just have to die.
Everything and anything. Okay, so, this is perfect as it is, except for one minor thing. I highlighted the line where you talk about the father and say that sixes are the worst numbers in the game 'as the goal is to be the last to reach the end.' I just don't what you mean. Maybe I'm just looking too deep into it and I'm missing something obvious, or maybe not. For the rest of this, I would absolutely love to know more, but it isn't necessary for me to understand your haunting story. I would love to know if the same thing that happened to the main character's sister happened to the dad (did he give in to the game?). Also, when the sister says, "I'm done," does that mean she gave up, or did she actually die or something? Another thing, is it possible, at all, to win this game? Those are just some examples where you could deepen the game's idea, but I understand the concept of the game pretty well, thanks to the amazing way you explained it through the story.
This is an absolutely amazing story with twists and turns everywhere in the foreseeable future. It sounds exciting and I would love if you expanded on it.
I usually don't fall for thriller stories (my parents hid me from those for a long time) but I surprisingly loved the way you wrote this. I just think, this would kind of be cool, if you published a piece called 'The Game-Gameplay/Instruction Manual' or whatever. In that, you would write it like a normal game's instruction book, but it would explain a lot of the concepts that you mention (i.e. the mom's responsibilities, the goal to be the last to reach the end, etc.). It would be a different yet familiar way to explain it.
Anyway, I love this idea. I also submitted a piece for Early Pearl's contest (lol, I forgot what it's called), but I love the fact that you wrote a separate story because of her word limit. 50 words is just too short.
I loved reading your story and I hope you can recommend more to me!
P.S. Personally, I haven't watched the original Jumanji in a long time. So, this weekend, I'm going to have to watch it and compare the stories.