Peer Review by Early Pearl (United States)

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The Game

By: camlily


FREE WRITING

 Your sigh echoes in the cold, dark room.  It reverberates off the object that lays in the center- a vintage game board.  
"Roll," your sister says monotonously, and you can tell that her eyes are already beginning to blacken.  She's giving in to the game.  
 With all of your willpower, you pick the dice up and drop them on the floor. They roll for a few seconds, then land on double sixes. You curse, a massive headache beginning to overcome your brain.  If only there was some way to overcome this torture of a game- death seemed the only answer, as you were bound to play the game for the rest of your lives.  
 Your brother rolls after you.  The game has been kinder to him, as he has more green tokens than both you and your sister combined.  He's also won a pink card to accompany and assist him throughout the rest game.  He rolls a three and a two.  You can't help but groan- five is the luckiest roll in the game, as it gives you a free "skip a turn" card.  
  It's your mother's turn now.  As she's older, she has more responsibilities in the game, and she can only roll numbers higher than two.  The dice fall from her hands and land on a three and a four.  So far, she's escaped punishment.  
  You look at what used to be your father's chair.  He finished the game a long time ago, your mother had told you, about a year after you started to playing it. For whatever reason, the game disliked him and only allowed him to roll sixes (the worst number in the game, as the goal is to be the last to reach the end).  You'd always wondered what it would be like to finish the game- according to your mother, you would simply vanish into thin air.  But you still had a while to go.  
  Your sister picks up the dice without emotion.  She hasn't talked for a couple turns now, and you're beginning to worry about her.  She rolls a four and a six- ten.  
  Slowly, she moves her piece, where it lands on a brown square.  There are only two of these in the game, and they cause the player to give up all of their green tokens.  A tear slides down your sister's face as she quietly whispers "I'm done".  The darkness you'd already seen in her eyes expands and envelops her entire body, and all you can do is watch.  
  Then she disappears, "vanishes", as your mother had said.  You turn to the rest of your family, their faces etched in pain. Your brother pushes the dice in front of you, and you roll again.  
 

Heyyy!! I actually kind of like this!!  Basically, the game is an analogy of life (the green tokens are money, the pink card is a significant other, the sister had depression which caused her to take herself out of the game). This was inspired by EarlyPearl's contest, linked here: EARLY PEARL IS HOSTING ANOTHER CONTEST!, which I encourage you to enter!! (I am actually entering a real piece for this contest, but the word limit was 50 words and I knew that this would be much more).  So yeah!! Thanks for reading <3 <3 
~~Have a wonderful day filled with sunshine and rainbows~~
-camlily  

Peer Review

Holy cow, this is one of my favorite pieces on the site!! I love the mystery and the plot of this story and the wording was absolutely fantastic.


The questions I have are highlighted in the piece. :D


Reviewer Comments

Amazing job!! I also have s piece that’s titled “The Game” if you want to review it, but it’s kuch much longer, about 28,000 words. Great job again!!! :P