Peer Review by gsainsa (United States)

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Flute

By: Vani Desabhotla


FREE WRITING

A cold, steel instrument, which greets my heart warmly.
A shy instrument, meek in its ways.
It creeps in discreetly, softly and quietly.
Without anyone's knowledge, never once asking for praise.

A shy instrument, meek in its ways
but when played by many, never ceases to surprise.
Without anyone's knowledge, never once asking for praise.
It can create anticipation, terror or mimic the sunrise.

But when played by many, never ceases to surprise.
A weak thing it may seem, and not at all bright.
It can create anticipation, terror or mimic the sunrise.
One day, they shall inherit the earth, as was their birthright.

A weak thing it may seem, and not at all bright.
It creeps in discreetly, softly and quietly.
One day, they shall inherit the earth, as was their birthright.
A cold steel instrument, which greets my heart warmly.


Peer Review

"One day, they shall inherit the earth, as was their birthright." I cannot determine for certain if this is the intention of the author, but I think that the shy ones that act without asking for praise are the ones that deserve the most.


I can't wait for the day that they shall inherit the earth.


Was it hard to write this poem, due to the complex pattern and the use of symbols?


Reviewer Comments

Wow! Incredible example of a pantoum. This specific structure makes the poem extremely entertaining and powerful. I also think that the use of flutes as symbols of introverts that shall come out of the shadows and surprise everyone is brilliant. Overall, I certainly enjoyed this piece. There's not much that should be changed, maybe adding some type of meter to the lines could add a better rhythmical structure. Nevertheless, this poem was incredibly well crafted.