Peer Review by lina13 (Australia)

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all i wish for is snow

By: Onion3102


FREE WRITING

Sipping sweet lukewarm cocoa,
the three mini marshmallows drown in the sweet milk.
Knitted sweaters too big for me,
the marmalade coloured wool form holes big enough for my thumb.
Colourful light bulbs dangle from the eaves,
staring at that one red bulb flickering occasionally. 
A raspy voice humming lullabies,
sweetly out of tune.
All I wish for is snow. 

 


Message to Readers

Forecasting temperatures of around 48 degrees Celcius (118.4 Fahrenheit) for Christmas down under. yike


Peer Review

This piece beautifully and effectively uses sensory imagery, encouraging my gustatory, visual, tactile, olfactory and auditory receptors to engage!


Perhaps this piece would benefit from a little more imagery, or an explanation as to why snow is so desirable for the persona?


Reviewer Comments

This piece possesses some really strong moments of compelling imagery and language. To make it even stronger, I would suggest deepening the topic by expanding on the persona's characterisation, and making their motivation something deeper than simply wishing for snow.