Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Wow. This was definitely not supposed to be so dark, or reflective. It just kind of... came out. What started as an attempt at horror grew into a small anti-bullying... thing. Ah well, take from it what you will and, if you so choose, let me know what you think!
"The frost crept up the window pane like a scab would encompass an open wound". The best imagery I've seen in the past 17-going-onto-18 years of my life.
I don't know if my understanding is right, but to me this piece sounded like some premature relationship gone wrong and the girl ended up as a mother earlier than her peers. So there was this very sharp twist in the end which left me totally wonderstruck. I am very impressed with your writing skill.
Why are your stanzas alternating between italics and normal font? It makes me wonder if it were the narrator's thoughts interacting with that of the girl.
It's a beautiful and dark piece with very good imagery. I loved how you made use of the difference in fonts to change the perspective of the story. Your little prose has a very elusive and smokey quality between the deep mellow relationship of the young couple whose love was shattered via these cascade of crazy events. Excellent work on such a bittersweet symphony.