Peer Review by stormguard798 (Singapore)()

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Weak

By: Nonny21


FREE WRITING

The crisp, cool air beating against my face was in stark contrast to the tears burning in the corners of my eyes. I knew that if I let go, I would feel the tears trailing across my cheeks, burning. But I couldn't.
It was quite a night of contrasts, I realized as I leaned against the car window, willing myself to stay expressionless. I had been so excited, elated even, but I had dragged myself out of the house trying to desperately cover up my tiredness. Instead of my heart hammering away in excitement and nervousness, I could feel it ache. A gasp sprung to my lips and I dug my nails into my hand, trying to stay quiet. Even if I was in the backseat, I couldn't take the chance. I couldn't possibly be weak.
I was arriving at my destination and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I composed myself, trying to make myself look calm and composed.
I had arrived. I got out of the car, my head held high and a mask easily sliding into place. A smile on my mouth and a laugh in my throat. As well as an ache in my heart that I quickly smothered. I couldn't appear weak.
I wouldn't. 


Message to Readers

I don't think this is well written, definitely not one of my best pieces but it's been quite a while since I've written. I realized that if I didn't publish this I probably couldn't publish anything cause it wasn't well written or didn't flow well etc etc..
Feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated. let me know what you think alright :)


Peer Review

It is nice that the emotional situation could apply to a number of different situations, all of would be relatable to the reader. However, I feel that the ending was fairly predictable, and if you're interested, have a twist of being much darker.


Clearly, there's potential to look at specifically what the situation the character is in, but I'm assuming you're looking to keep it as generic and applicable as possible. Maybe also include some details of the setting to add an element of pathetic fallacy to the emotions.


Reviewer Comments

In general, you have the structure of the whirlwind of thoughts that the character is having, but I feel that you really need to add some detailed physical description to accompany each emotion.

As you pointed out, it is a first draft, and there are a couple places that I've pointed out that I feel once gone over a second read through, could really help improve the overall flow of the piece.