Peer Review by Suri Purefoy (United States)

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You and I

By: izzysmiles09


FREE WRITING

If I came to you one day,
and everything inside of me was finally coming undone,
would you stop just to remind me of how far I’ve come?

If I reached my trembling hand out to you,
and stood with doe eyes wet from the past,
would you slips your hand into mine?

If I didn’t move from that small safe spot,
and the end of the world was fast on my heels,
would you pull me with you to safety?

If I appeared to you late one night alone,
and couldn’t manage the racing thoughts ripped through my mind,
would you let me borrow the silence you have?

If I sat at the edge of the world with my legs swinging,
and was teetering on the brink of insanity,
would you sit with me and watch the dizzying sun rise?

If I begged you to run away with me,
and I had all of my things in a bag ready to go,
would you hand me a book to escape within and tell me to stay.

But if I don’t come to you one day,
because everything inside of me had finally come undone,
will you at least stop every once and awhile just to re-say “goodbye.”
 


Peer Review

I can't decide on just one; "...doe eyes..." I adore that description—it just sets the whole poem off(in a good way!) and makes everything seem more lifelike.


Sadness. Small hope. Wishing.


Does the character's lover ever come back? Does he/she accept and love her again?


Reviewer Comments

"You and I" is a lovely poem, with beautiful descriptions, feelings, words, and relations. I really loved how you made it all run so smoothly, and how it I could really feel what the narrator was feeling throughout the poem.