Peer Review by The Dreamer (South Africa)

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Hide and Seek: Chapter Three

By: pencils.and.paper.roses


FREE WRITING

Carson had woken up and began to be obnoxious again. He cracked Rhiel up by making weird faces, but when he sent a snot rocket in the direction of Willow’s book, their parents had made him call it quits. He’d sat, annoyed, for the next 10 minutes before pulling out a book of his own. They read in silence for another 45 minutes before pulling the car into the large parking lot of a hotel. They looked up from their books at the giant building and smiled. “Whoa!” Willow said, her jaw dropping. It was the biggest hotel she’d ever seen. “Is this where we’re staying?” “Yup,” her father replied. Carson pumped his fist in the air and headed to the trunk to get his backpack. Unlike Willow, Carson had chosen to pack all his entertainment materials into the back pockets of the seats in the car.
     They headed into the hotel, bogged down with their luggage. “One room, please,” Willow father said to the desk clerk. “Preferably with several beds.” So they received a key to their room and went up to drop their luggage off. “Oh heck yeah, it has a pool!” Carson announced, rather louder than he probably should have and gaining a look from his mother. “We might go into it later but not quite yet. First we’ve got to go help your aunt with the wedding.” Willow’s spirits drooped a bit. She’d actually forgotten the reason they had gone on the trip. She set her backpack on the floor next to the door and sat down on the bed, looking around as she did so. “Whoa, this is a big room!” she said. There were large beams on the ceiling, and there was a divider between one bed and the other. “Will we be able to get a place for Rhiel to sleep?” Willow asked. Her father nodded. “They should be coming up with a fold-up crib anytime soon.” Willow nodded.
     Finally, they were all unpacked, Rhiel’s crib unfolded, and the door relocked. They headed out of the hotel and toward the car to reload. Riding along in the car again, Willow reopened her sketchbook and showed her brother the picture she’d drawn of him sleeping. His reaction was hilarious; he looked like a fish out of water and snatched the sketchbook out of Willow’s hands. “How dare you!” he said, flipping through it. “Did you draw any other stupid pictures of me?” Suddenly he stopped and turned the book toward her. “Whoa, when did you do this one? It’s amazing!” She looked over at it and got goosebumps again when she saw what it was: the picture of the man from the restaurant. She snatched the sketchbook back. “I-it’s nothing. Just something I drew the other day when I was bored.”

“You drew that just because you were bored? Something that good?”

“Yes!” Willow snapped. She turned away, feeling worried again for an unidentifiable reason.


Message to Readers

Sorry for the short length of this chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you like it! :)


Peer Review

I really liked the fact that it was so realistic. It reminded me of when my family goes on roadtrips. Also the sibling relationship was really well written. It's easy to see and understand that they are twins.


The proportion of mystery to reality is great and makes me want to keep reading. I think you could perhaps give a better description of the mystery man. Wether its a description of the actual man when she sees him or a description of her sketch is up to you but it definatly needs to be there ( in my opinion)


Reviewer Comments

I can't wait for the next chapter and to see where this story goes. I am excited to see how the mystery will continue to tie into everyday family life. Well done!