Peer Review by lina13 (Australia)

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Unspoken Notes

By: Deej


FREE WRITING

I heard the music as I entered the room, but all that was there was a violin, lay there on its back on the bare floorboards. I stood there waiting, watching. I scanned theperimeter of the room for anything that would help justify the reason for this instrument to be in my father’s archives. I haven’t stepped foot in here since I found a book on mythos that I needed to return to its assigned section. Why it was out of his office in the first place was a formless thought in my head.
            I stepped over to the elegant Rosewood violin and picked up the bow. My Father went through a period where he had a taste for archaic music, but as far as I knew he never had any instruments, other than the piano in the family room.
            I walked slowly over to his desk and sat down in his chair. The air around me smelled faintly like chloroform. I gently shuffled through his papers and found a paper discussing the benefits of Chloroquine. He was still trying to figure out a way he could have helped my sister.
Her malaria was untreated for most of the time that she had it. She didn’t want us to worry, so she pretended she was fine. She blamed her nausea on menstruation and her constant fevers on all the time she spent in the hot sun. It was only when her boyfriend became our informant did we realize she was truly sick. I should have known. I should have-
I stopped myself before I got too deep into this tangent.
I continued to look through his papers on his desk, paying attention to his archaism and how he paraphrased almost everything. I looked up after a white and observed the chlorosis in his plants he kept by the window.
Lost in the way the sun bounces off of the faded green leaves, I didn’t immediately notice when the sounds of the piano rang through the house. When I did notice, I quickly stood up and ran to the family room.
When I arrived there, the keys were being pressed down in a format I knew by heart. I slowly walked over to the piano and placed my hand on top of the lid. The moment I did this, the music stopped.
Although I should have been scared, I felt calmer then I had felt in a long time. I sat down on the piano.
“Hello Ellie.” I said to the empty space next to me on the bench. A beautiful minor scale erupted from the piano.
“Goodbye.” I whispered, a tear running slowly down my cheek as the scale turned into one of her favorite warm up songs.


Message to Readers

Another greek & latin roots story project thing


Peer Review

I found this to be a very well-written and beautiful piece! I'm curious as to the significance of the emboldened words - did this project oblige you to use certain words in a story?


(Just a disclaimer: all of this is just my personal opinion as a reviewer. As the writer, you have full creative control over your piece, and it's up to you to what extent you implement my feedback) Although I did love the simplicity of this piece, could you perhaps deepen the story and characterisation by providing a tiny bit more backstory or context? Maybe branch out this plot of the sister's malaria? Or perhaps provide more information about their father?


Reviewer Comments

Overall, well done writing an expressive, unique story! I'd encourage you to expand on this very solid foundation by providing a little more detail, characteriation and plot, but at the end of the day, you've done a very good job. I especially enjoyed the lyrical moments of description of the music. Keep up the great work, and I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future!